I have mentioned that I am writing a chapter for that collaborative book I am a part of....and writing comes really easily to me normally....there are very few times that I cannot sit down and find my words ready to flow;-) I enjoy words more than the average person for sure, and I own that.....I cannot help it....it is deep within me.....but I have sat down a few times to try and write this chapter and had to table it.....it just wasn't ready to flow.....but I had some time last night to sit down and try again.....and guess what there it was:) The energy in the cosmos making it time to let it pour out......3,500 of the 4,000 words I need to share, pouring from my heart and fingertips, and finding their way into existence......and it felt great.....It isn't due till May 15th but I knew I had to try and get it on the screen before that, so I could edit and add etc, and so that I wasn't down to the wire.......the amount of deadlines I have between now and June 5th and the last day of school is kinda intense;-).....so my normal mode of procrastination was not gonna work:) I do my best work under pressure, or so I tell myself;-) so instead I sat down and did the thing.....my kids are with their dad....my date is today, hopefully, he wasn't feeling well for the past couple a days..so I am hoping our date can be salvaged:) And yesterday I cleaned my bedroom and bathroom thoroughly, and organized my stuff under my sink. All that spring cleaning stuff. Did laundry. Cleaned some of my floors....and went into my teen's room and aired it out lol:)And I felt super accomplished. I heard from the kids, they got to go to a waterpark for the night. I was happy for them. The water park is not so much my thing. I am not a theme park person at all. And sometimes I feel guilty about that. And I would take my kids if the situation called for it, do not misunderstand, but I definitely do not seek it out when I make plans for us. I do have Disney on my radar. Mads really wants to go, and I want to make it happen for her. But while I beat myself up some about not being a theme park person I also understand that we are who we are, and I am glad she can do those things with her dad, and the kids and I have our own stuff we do, so it all works out. The more I understand about astrology the more I understand about people and life......we just are who we are.....made up of all of our pieces. Our likes our dislikes, our personalities, our hopes and fears. Our inclinations, all of it....And as the planets spin the best we can hope is the opportunities and energy that finds us benefits the space we are in. So I did not worry that I would have the moment when my chapter would be born. I knew that I would be supported by the cosmos to make that happen when it was right.....and well I was right.....so I don't worry about any of it. Surrendering to what is meant to be, using my intuition and divine guidance as my magic carpet ride, and enjoying the journey. I had to go back to the night he left last night for the beginning of the chapter.....and it was dark for a moment, the remembering of that night. The details......and how it all unfolded. Remembering myself then again......And it occurred to me that we did not end our marriage well that night at all.....or I should say he didn't mostly, since I really was blindsided and out of my mind. And sort of along for the ride in his story that night.....We did not honor those 20 years in those last couple of hours......and it doesn't matter now, and can't be undone or redone.....but it is a fact. One that stood out to me last night.....so I was glad to wade some through that pain, healing more of it, and then write my way through to the light of my story and lay it all down. This year is buzzing with excitement and possibility, and growth and I am here for ALL of it! Just letting the experiences come as they will and trusting the journey:)
jperuso
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