Scars......

A scar is a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrousconnective tissue has developed.....we all have them....I have a few on my shoulder from skin cancers that were removed......keeping me ever vigilant of my skin and protective of it.....I have a c section scar that served as a way to birth my babies.....the scar reminding me of their lives, and what it took to get them here......I have a Chickenpox scar above my eyebrow......I had a wicked case of the Chickenpox as a teenager....super sick....and had GIANT pox all over my body, and that one above my eye was a huge one.......I remember it falling off, after I had been cleared to return to school, and horrified that I had to go to school with them still on my face, LOL:) I think I was in English class when that one decided to make its mark......so walking around with our visible scars shows the world we have a story......a tapestry of the stuff that didn't kill us;-) like badges of honor......or courage........but it is those internal wounds and scars that are more complicated......I was talking to somebody the other day.....learning more of her story, and feeling her scars deeply......and so touched by what we carry around.......and sometimes, truth be told, something will poke my wound, and I will be in awe of how much pain still lives there..........even though I have done a lot of work and healing to eliminate so much of it......it is still there sometimes......and the woman I was speaking to, is in the searing pain part.....the part where you wish you could cut your arm off, and feel that, rather than the emotional pain......and I have such a heart for that.....having been in that part myself......and being able to talk to somebody, or hold space for that kind of pain I think is important......because big pain scares people......most people don't want to go there with somebody else.....it is too much, too scary, too real, too intense.....all of that......but we all have scars that live inside of us......and pain........yesterday I connected with somebody on FB dating and we began messaging....and it soon became apparent that there is no possibility that we would work at all.....he shared he had gotten a divorce, his wife had cheated....and he was fine, it didn't phase him at all..... and he had begun running etc and found a life he loved.....and that his kids are great and "didn't need "shrinks" how about me??? " Like what??? There was so much to unpack there......I didn't even bother.....I just gently left the conversation.....covering our scars, ignoring our pain, pretending it never existed at all....stifling it in our children.......all not 'OK".......being judgey about mental health and needing to tend to it, I can't even......I believe it is OK to allow our scars to be visible to the people around us.......to acknowledge they exist.....to work on the healing of them....that is most definitely our responsibility.......but to know that despite the scars we carry, both external and internal.......we can live alongside them.....and find a place for them in the fabric of who we are......and live in the presence of the day to day......allowing the day we are in to step forward.....and honor the fight we have all fought......speaking to that woman reminded me of the power of the human spirit.....the bravery in the human condition......the treasures found in our souls......our ability to conquer and overcome....whatever comes to visit us......reminding us of our aliveness.....and the importance of our lives......I seek to not hide my scars.....not bury them away....but to wear them proudly and openly, to make peace with them.......and allow them to fade like that big scar on my shoulder......but use them as a reminder to keep me wise, and brave, and proud of how far I have come........