The truth is we are the only ones that can save us.....and that is a reality that I have learned over and over again.....written about a few times......and the interesting thing is it is the thing that has helped me become more confident, feel more safe in the world, helped me learn so much about myself......but sometimes it feels super challenging.....and the last 12 hours or so I am feeling it......wishing I could tap out and take a break.....but I can't.....and I think what is contributing to my feeling this way is that since school began I have been scrambling and putting out fires continuously......juggling childcare.....having some of it fall through and needing to find a plan b, plan c, and plan d in some cases......juggling sick kiddos and being sick myself a few times.....and then work.....well all the juggling it takes to endure there is endless.....and most days I feel plenty able......juggling it all with relative joy and ease in my heart.....a lightness in my spirit.......excelling at problem solving......I am kinda great at it......thinking outside the box and finding another way when a roadblock gets thrown up......but the fatigue of it all is what I think I am reacting to......the sheer strength and endurance it has taken to get to December of yet another crazy school year.......after just enduring three of the hardest and craziest years ever......so yeah I am tired;-) and I am trying to honor the fatigue.....the feelings that are coming while rallying to endure in the space my life currently occupies.......I knew this was all coming.....my chart showed the crescendo and intensity of life the last few months and into the new year.......and fortunately for me it will begin to settle late January and the challenges will subside some and my life will take off in another direction......so in the meantime I just need to endure......keep doing the things in my day to day that bring me strength and good feelings......blogging.......exercise......meditating......praying.......trusting.....all of it. I am choosing to be positive and believing that I will not get this and will be able to care for my kids, and by this weekend we will be looking at this challenge in the rearview mirror.....my favorite place to view my challenges from;-) and I think often of all the intuitive guidance that has found me and told me to put these things in my life. They have truly been a lifeline to me through every challenge I have faced......I am just grateful for the consistency that I have them all in my life and my ability to lean into them and continue to save myself every single day......
jperuso
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