In January it will be 3 years since my new life began.....I have expressed before feeling reborn in the fire I walked through.....truly shedding a huge part of me to become me now.....and it is hard to believe that it is nearly 3 years....sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago....and sometimes not all that long ago.......and I started thinking some on it last night when I had a coaching client.....she is pretty new in her situation....and had somebody mention to her something about having some spinning thoughts in it all, and not really judging her, but not understanding either.......and we both expressed that you can only know....when you know........and the thing is whether it is her year or so out, or my nearly 3, I do not believe there is a timeline for such things.....I believe it is a process.....a circular one....letting go over and over of the stuff that you felt you were over........I saw a saying recently that resonated "If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times".......and that is so true......and nobody can know how deeply another person has held their love of another or a situation......it is love right that ends up hurting us most.....? The breaking of it.....divorce......loss of loved ones.....those are the things that come bearing the deepest wounds.......but that pain is in direct proportion to the love we are capable of.....and that is kinda beautiful too.........and while my pain was deep and exquisitely so when my ex husband left us......it was also proof.....proof to me that the depth of my love is just as deep and exquisite. The capacity of my heart and my love mechanism vast and wide......and that felt like something to realize....validating in all of the ways........so I felt for my client and reassured her that she is doing so well, and her feelings are all valid, in whatever timeframe they come.....there is no shame in any of that......no need to apologize....and it feels good to be able to be there and offer support to others like me.....so rewarding.......and I make no apologies for what comes up for me at certain points.....I just don't.....as long as somebody is not dwelling in their pain, or stopping the moving on, and living part beyond whatever came to find them, I think it is such a unique and individual journey.....and it is all OK........most days as I approach 3 years all of it has fallen away, falling into the background of my life.....and if it weren't for my kids, and the ties we still need to have, it would likely be further away still.....but most days it is barely there....but like any deep wound, sometimes something happens that causes it to become apparent.....in your face apparent......just like an old ankle injury.....or a scar that hurts from time to time.....and that is just a part of it.....no way around it....only through......so as I roll up on 3 years....I am proud of how far I have come, and I am the only one that really knows how far that is;-) because I lived it.......and as a new year approaches, I have some more new plans for my new life, and hope the scar gets even more healed.....fading further into the background. And I work toward that each and every day;-) Happy Halloween!
jperuso
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