I realize that I was resistant at certain points in my life to things....maybe some of the things that I should have done, or things that were good for me.....and to things that didn't make sense to me in a certain way, or pushed me too far outside of my comfort zone.....my Taurus bull liked things predictable sometimes, and within my comfort zone.....but in my new life resistance has become a teacher for me.....my knowing that when it shows up.....I need to wonder about it.....see if it is valid......which it normally isn't, and then transmute it into acceptance or a willingness to try......to just try......and I feel that way about the retreat I went on......I am not sure that I have ever been presented with an opportunity to do so in my old life.....but I know if I had, I would not have gone.....for a few reasons.....the logistics of juggling the kids would have likely been part of it.....but I think more than that it would not have made sense to me then.....in the phase of my spiritual journey I was in.....not ready for that kind of thing or commitment to it all......and at the retreat there were such solid couples there.....their love and relationship seeming so effortless......such an ease with each other....no feeling of tension between them.....every single one......a true affection for one another and a willingness to be there......and it became clear to me that the person I seek would have to be able to do something like this weekend with me.....and be able to enjoy it too.....and be awake and alive in the same spaces I am.......it hurt me and was a challenge for me in my old life to not be able to share church and my faith with my ex.....and I am not judging him for it.....or faulting him for it......he just had had a different past that didn't lead him to the places I was brought to even then......but he never enjoyed church with me, and would come sometimes with a reluctance......a resistance......and that was challenging for me........and I don't think I can be with somebody again that feels that way.....and I have spoken before about my spiritual sense being vast and wide......from my faith......God.....Jesus......the Universe.....nature.......the stars, the moon......astrology......manifestation.....all of it.......all of it resonates deeply with me and makes sense to my heart and soul......but it became clear to me this weekend that I need somebody willing to journey to all those places with me too.....and be willing to be more open too.......releasing that resistant part too.....the one that just decides to see how something is, instead of pretending to know how something is......I did not know what to expect this weekend.....but it didn't matter......I had no resistance to discovering what was found there.....and I am so glad I did.....so I guess I write all of this to remind anybody out there.....that resistance is in us all......and it is an opportunity to grow......to push past what it is we are resisting.....whatever that is......and finding the treasure on the other side:)
jperuso
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