Today's blog comes on the heels of yesterday's blog......I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and the way they progress....and as I said yesterday I do not see anything wrong with them being looked at through a different lens......especially when you come with children in tow and having your life be more complicated in certain ways......going from being single to a relationship.......now I play in the sandbox well lol:) I have team taught within a classroom, with nearly every special ed teacher in my building over the years.....and always got along well and went with the flow......and most recently when my single mom friend and her daughter came to live with us......that went well too....easy........so I don't fear sharing my sandbox......not at all.....I seek to make folks feel comfortable......and su casa vibes all day long......;-) and I don't fear getting my heart broken again.....I really don't......if I could survive the heartbreak I did after my marriage, then I can survive anything......and know that I can.......my desire to reimagine the idea of a relationship comes from the peace and satisfaction I have in my new life......and in doing my own things. The freedom found in that is intoxicating.......it really is......I have always been independent and needed some space......and some time alone......but now I feel like that more......and it is hard to balance that within a relationship.......and then there is another part of me that wants love and romance.....so badly........and to do fun stuff with somebody and share some of my life with a person......I am also very much that person too........but I am forever mindful of my children in that equation.......not like 20s dating any longer......and I need to remain careful and conscious of them......so sometimes the sound of meeting up with somebody every few weeks or so if they lived further away, sounds just right till my kids are older......or till Madeline is......and letting us both have autonomy and freedom in our life.....or if somebody was closer, seeing them every other weekend......and the Wednesdays my kids are with their dad, and then the other times continuing to do stuff with my kiddos and my friends.....again till Mads gets older.......and it all feels just right to me as of now.......but most people are not looking for that.......at least most men.......they want the whole kitten caboodle...instant merge of it all....because they don't have their children full time normally...........but my point is that I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking out of the box some.......to preserve a whole person.....I think I fear getting swept up in love and a relationship and lose the Jenn I found again......maybe as I type that that is it.....the big fear......I really like this Jenn and have lots of fun with her, and she is fun and light and easy, and I want her to remain her inside of whatever relationship comes.....and be sure she has room to breathe......and be......and have that love only enhance her energy, not drain it or detract from her.........I am looking for a patient love......somebody that can ride alongside of me......and give me room to be ready for it all.....just loving me as I figure it all out......and reimagining with me! And as I think of all of these things, I am forever mindful of the fact that my faith is bigger than any of it......and what is meant to be will.......and the details are already worked out up ahead.......all I need do is step forward each and every day and be true to myself and walk my journey and the way will appear........I believe that.......:) Happy Sunday y'all enjoy!
jperuso
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