My Pastor had a powerful message on Sunday that spoke to my heart.....which is often the case;-) Kinda the deal......and he put up a quote that said this....
"Radical Forgiveness is much more than the mere letting go of the past. It is the key to creating the life we want, and the world we want. It is the key to our own happiness and the key to world peace. It is no longer an option. It is our destiny.".......
And this quote hit me....so much so I took a picture of it to keep.....and he also talked about Radical generosity.....and the term radical conjures up a specific feeling....and means....relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough. So to be radical in something is being all in....and the idea of forgiveness has found me in this story quite a bit.....and maybe initially I thought that when I found forgiveness for them....it would arrive in a moment of clarity......one moment that was laden with regret and remorse on his part, and would prompt me to forgive him.....or at least try....but no such moment has arrived, and as time marches on, it becomes clearer and clearer that it won't......so my version of "radical forgiveness" has to arrive by way of working toward forgiving somebody that may or may not be sorry.....or at least a person that doesn't offer that up in my direction.....and forgiveness has never been challenging for me....I easily forgive and forget by nature.....I have many times in my life, for many different reasons....and I have only stumbled a few times.....up against some egregious offenses that have found me.....this being one of them.....and so my "moment" hasn't arrived.....my forgiveness of him coming in stages.....stages of understanding......moments of clarity..... along the way.....my understanding his plight more and more as we travel......my seeking to find empathy for some of the brokenness I see, and understanding that brokenness leads to these things.....and the acts that have found me.....and the hurt it has caused.....and if somebody were to ask me if I have forgiven him today....it is not a yes or no question for me....not simple......and maybe I would answer both yes and no as I type this.....I have forgiven so much of it......understanding it on a higher level.....and understanding it was necessary for it to happen as it did.....to move us both into the lives we now lead.....and a necessary catalyst in my life to shake things up in a way that was deep, and in a way that transformational change was the only result....BUT.......there are things he has done to me.....and said to me....that I have trouble saying I have fully forgiven.....YET......and I think holding onto something.....is different than recognizing that there is still work to be done around a certain area.....and forgiving somebody who has not extended remorse to you is also challenging.....I hold none of it in my day to day, or dwell on those things.....what has happened does not cause me to live in anger or resentment.....the sting of that long gone......the heat taken out of it......there are moments that find me....but they are few and far between these days.....but the awareness still remains.....and I can find a place in me that is still wounded by his actions toward me.....and those are the places that I seek to heal in me......the places that still need time to fully heal......the places that I work to fill with so much light that they have no choice but to mend each day:) And I do all of this in the hopes that one day I can extend that radical forgiveness to him.....fully......and completely.....soon........Amen!!!
Comments