That is jarring right? I used to have friends when I was young that used to love to pull that brake, and do smokey burnouts endlessly in empty parking lots, and snow storms....fun :).....and in those days pulling it was a choice.....but I have learned sometimes we don't get to decide when life calls for that brake.....and sometimes we don't get to share all of our stories aloud.....that there are defining moments that are quieter.....more private.....and that is what I experienced this week.....one that sorta reaching the culmination point yesterday and it appears that perhaps my new adventure friend situation may be ending.....and I hesitate, despite how it feels at the moment, to say that definitely.....because I have learned that there have been other times I have felt that way in my stories, and the Universe and God had other plans......so I no longer say never......but from where I sit today, that may very well be the case.....and the moment that brought me to that, and to pulling the brake was a defining one.....one I will not forget......and one that stirred a lot of things.....and really in the last two months I have learned A LOT about me.....about dating......about this chapter of my story....and I will take all of that with me......every experience we have with other people in our lives is valuable....all of it.....and this felt lovely overall, and I will keep that part with me.....but sometimes things happen, beyond our control.....and when we are conscious in our stories, and conscious of what we need and want.....those things change the game....and sometimes as jarringly as pulling an e brake.....which is what my inclination was to do....realizing that sometimes the point of no return arrives, or things happen that change the way you feel or view something, without you wanting that.....I really felt we would travel longer.....and as I said.....I no longer give myself the authority to make those decisions.....I can only follow my intuition, and then see how it all unfolds in the journey of life.....so maybe I am wrong....there is still perhaps some room for me to be.....but if I am wrong....what happened was a pivotal moment in my journey, and our story for sure.....and the jury is out still as to how I feel about all of it....still working that part out.....so more to come.....but here is what I will say.....I am not mad....or sad even.....I have hit a new level of journeying that makes acceptance my default.....I just accept the doors that open.....the ones that close.....the ones that are for me and the ones that aren't......and I don't fight any of it anymore......I trust my instincts.....I really do.....and nothing that happens rattles that anymore, even if it doesn't work out the way I think or hope......life is a rich learning experience....with teachers walking among us in our lives.....and people we meet that teach us what we need to learn, when we need to learn it......so......this last adventure is in that spirit......I enjoyed it and learned a lot in a short amount of time.....and that is what life is about right?? I know deeply in my soul......that love will find me again in this life.....and that what is right for me will show up every time.....I never fear any of that, and in the meantime I will choose to love the hell out of myself, and lay down boundaries and brakes when I need to, and leave the places I no longer belong when I need to too.........stay tuned and Happy Saturday;-)
jperuso
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