"PRIMAL PANIC"

So this term has come across my path as I have walked this journey......In simple terms this term describes what happens when your connection to "your person" gets betrayed and broken......when we choose to "do life" with another human, our souls make an unconscious pact, that basically says "I got your back" and "you have mine" and an unspoken pact that life is safer with the "power of two"....You embark into the world and your bond strengthens as you travel.......the bond solidified through trauma, triumph, love, and life.......and when one of those people breaks that bond in such a profound way, the betrayed person goes into what is called "primal panic.." Your body sends strong alert signals to all of your being, sending messages that make you believe that maybe you are no longer safe in the world..... That your entire foundation and belief system is flawed, or maybe has been all along......all the things you have believed since the day you vowed to connect to that human, isn't what you thought at all.......it is a POWERFUL thing......and PRIMAL in every sense of the word.....SO painful........your brain attempts to understand, to make sense of something that likely won't ever make any sense......the break is not a clean one, not a brief one.....and will likely take a LONG time to become fully broken.........which adds to the panic........it is like an excruciating tearing of souls that were once so closely tied together, and were intertwined, and the break is far from clean...........and as the attachment breaks there are parts of you that break too, and need to go with it......no way for them to be salvaged.....they are too closely tied to another person's stuff........and maybe some of those things that break and leave are things that should.....at least that seems to be what I am finding......some parts needed to go, needed to break in me.....to allow for a new place to grow, to thrive, to push, to one day love in a new way, a different way, a healthier way.........however I have to tell you I would not wish primal panic on my worst enemy truly, it is visceral, and real.....in every sense of the word......but as I stand and watch pieces of me fade away......I am grateful for all of them......they all lead me to this space in time......this place.....a magically painful place in my life......where hope, love, and support abounds and co exists with extreme pain, suffering and grief........such a unique place in the universe I am currently standing in, but I am still grateful each and every night for all of it......as I continue to lose parts of myself along the way I will lovingly say goodbye to things that will no longer serve my journey..... and pay close attention to what should remain, and welcome new parts of me with open arms........