I suppose once you have an enormous life change that comes to find you, especially as it pertains to a failed marriage or significant relationship.....you can't really help but examine yourself......if that is your sort of thing;-) So I have been examining myself as I have been traveling on the other side of my marriage.....and I spent the last three years also examining myself inside of my marriage during therapy.....being intentional and mindful of what didn't serve me any longer in my life......what are things that I do not want to repeat as I move forward.......and the people we meet become mirrors for that stuff......if it is a situation for us to grow in......letting us see our stuff and decide if we are wanting that particular pattern to move forward with us......or if it is one we no longer need.......or want.....and it is eye opening......because there are patterns that run SO deep in us......so fully embedded that the fighting of them feels like a herculean task......what our mind knows is good for us battling against our internal struggles......but it fascinates me.....and makes me so committed to the journey of discovery.....and breaking chains in my life that have been pulling me down.....of patterns in my life that have not served me......only leading to heartache......I am intentionally breaking away from those patterns......and reinventing that part of my life......and it takes such work.......and such intention to look at yourself in a way that is not always comfortable........wherever I end up in this life and whomever I end up sharing the second act with, it has to be right.....and healthy.....and all of the things that were not from my past......and I intend on making sure that happens......the idea of a second act in my life.....one that could break longstanding patterns, ones I have held onto in the first act.....ones that haven't served me well......is wildly exciting.....I have said that before, that my choice back in the beginning would have been for Nick and I to get it right......to keep our family.......to find our way.......but if that could not be......which clearly it couldn't.......the next best thing is to realize my golden ticket of an opportunity in my life.....given to me right smack dab in the middle of my life.........an opportunity to chase a life of my dreams.....one that no longer carries ghosts in it......and to be intentional about crafting a second act that fills me up and supports the life I am trying to create......but to do that I still have work to do to break old patterns in me......examine them......give them their voice.....not allow them to ruin the possibilities that lie ahead.....not let them lie to me...using fear and manipulation to keep me stuck......that is what this year has been about.....silencing all the voices I have carried all these years.....one by one......until the only voice I hear.......the only one that matters......is my own.......
jperuso
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