The holiday is fast approaching.....and I was thinking how different it is than it once was....when I was a kid I used to get to spend it with my grandparents.....such a treasure....I miss them so much.....wish they were still here.....Christmas morning they would come to my parent's house and watch us open gifts in the wee hours of the morning.....then we would have this delicious breakfast.....breakfast somehow tastes better on Christmas morning doesn't it?;-) Then we would head to my Nanna's for Christmas dinner......we did Thanksgiving with my Grandma and Grandpa.....such simple times....but so lovely......then in my married life we carried those traditions with us some.....doing some of the same things.....and continued the Christmas morning stuff....and now here I am....my parents will come on Christmas morning....and we will have some of that tradition abound.....I am on the hunt for some new breakfast ideas.....and in the last few years, two of the years I have spent the entirety of Christmas and New Year's alone with my kids......the first time was right before he left....he said he was exposed to Covid at work and needed to quarantine....and that is when it was pretty serious....now I doubt that that was true at all....or not as true as he made it.....he left soon after that......so the kids and I had to quarantine too and spent it alone.....then the next year the kids and I had Covid, and spent it alone again....my beginning to think the Universe had it out for me lol;-) Christmas is my favorite time of the year! But we have found our rhythm in our new life and adjusted....but I wrote at Thanksgiving that something about the holidays makes some things feel and seem more apparent.....so I feel it all more as I am rounding the corner to Christmas and New Years.....the three year anniversary of his leaving follows shortly after on January 7th and my body begins to remember it all as we approach.....I feel like grief and remembering resides in our minds.....our hearts.....our souls....and our bodies separately.....each having a role in carrying the traumas and stuff that finds us.....and I feel like the body has a clock and when the time of year arrives....or something happens that reminds us.....it brings it back in a more present way....... so that is how I am feeling the last couple of days....and it is the awareness really of my feeling it....I don't feel down about it...or sad it just is.....this week of school is one of the hardest to teach, or better way to explain it is crowd control....but all the fun theme days make it one of my favorites....today is ugly sweater and a cookie exchange.....I tried this no bake Samoa recipe that is yummy, so it should be fun day laden with calories lol:) Tonight the kids head to their dads for dinner, and I am going to try and do a little more holiday prep and shopping! Tomorrow is my last day, and my kids have school Friday so I get the gift of that time too! So I write all of this to say that I see all of you holding any grief or remembrance during this festive time....and I am sending you love and compassion during the most wonderful time of the year....because despite all that has happened during this time in my own life....I still feel that way about it:) It is the most wonderful time of the year! Something about that holiday magic;-)
jperuso
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