I have been frustrated some by the housing and rental market.....In the beginning it was super important for me to stay in this house.....it mattered deeply for so many reasons....it mattered to me that I could find a way because I had worked so hard to have this house....it mattered that the kids and I didn't get uprooted due to what had happened......it mattered that I proved to myself that I could live here alone, and take care of this place alone.....both physically and financially......and learning to snow blow.....mow......wack weeds.....all of it.....and guess what I have, I have proven all of that and more..... and as I was mowing some yesterday, it felt clear that staying here is not as important as it once was....it just isn't.....but the issue with that is there is nowhere to go to downsize and save money.....simplifying my life some.....and I guess the truth is even if there were, in this moment in time.....I am not quite there yet.....but yesterday brought some clarity that I may be getting there.....I have many trappings, all of the things I have acquired up until this point.....things that took a lot to get, and if I downsized I would have to get rid of so much.....and while I feel I am closer than I have ever been to being willing to do that, I am not there yet......and I write non of this to sound ungrateful.....I am SO GRATEFUL , every single day, that I have gotten to stay here and that I got to keep my house, and have been able to stay afloat in it.....I truly am....and I love this house.....it feels like home for sure.....I just think the reality of keeping up with it all alone is finally catching up some......and I am figuring out how I feel about it all....I don't mind much of it, I truly don't....but it does require a lot of my energy and time......but financially it just makes sense to stay put......and continue to trust when it is time to move on, I will know....I have my lakehouse retreat spot on my radar in my long range plan.....and I trust I will always be taken care of as I stay here.....always find a way to heat it and pay for it all......I trust it.......I would really like my kitchen to be done somehow.....and I continue to look for the way for that too.....I have to stain my deck this fall.....so that will be a lesson for me on the how to do that.......a new skill to add to the list:) And hanging onto this place and making the decision to stay, was a great decision and provided a great education for me.....it really was....I have learned so much and had to force myself to do so much, but in doing that more of my confidence was born.....proving to myself that I can do so much more than I ever imagined.....so while I find it frustrating that rents remain so high and all the rest.....most of me is just grateful that fireplace season is approaching......cozy nights next to my beautiful fireplace.....feeling so grateful that we get to live in such a beautiful place:) And the rest will work itself out:)
jperuso
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