Worrying is such a horrible thing right? If you have been prone to it in your life or suffered from chronic worry, you know......and I have before in my life......been more of a worrier by nature.....and I have fought it over the years, on and off......and sometimes won and sometimes lost......but as well as fear leaving me this year......so has worry......I don't worry much at all.....I wish I could say not at all but that wouldn't be true.......there is much to consider in today's world......and lots of pressures, and life is complicated sometimes.....but I am most definitely no longer plagued with worries in my life.....just finding my faith and trust in my journey and walk......and knowing that what is for me, will always be......and that worrying about anything won't change that......it just won't.......and worry used to feel so useful.....fretting endlessly, spinning into conjecture.......potential outcomes....what if.....all of it......and really it is not worthwhile at all......it is like riding a stationary bike and pedaling, expecting to go somewhere and realize you are right where you are......so I have wasted many a moments in my life, and I won't any longer on worry and fretting over anything......I will just settle into peace in what will be.......not letting the chaos of whatever is happening rattle that......and knowing whatever the outcome I will be OK......I will figure it out......will find a way........and move forward however I need to........and boy is that freedom......especially in terms of where I used to be with all of that.......it is like creating a prison in your mind.......for you to live in........and subjecting yourself to torture.....and it will never change a thing........worry will not change an outcome.......it will just make it worse......so I have let it go......and if I start to stumble and find myself there......I catch myself and just tell myself to trust........and as I examine all these things I have learned, and some have mastered this last year.......all born out of my heartache and suffering.....I just feel grateful......I feel like the chains on me have been cut in all ways.......that I have nothing keeping me locked up in my life now......some of the chains that keep us stuck are fear, worry, judgement.....the opinions of others.....all of it and when you are no longer subject to being available to those things they fall away.......and freedom takes its place......peace in your heart and soul takes its place......all of it......so as the lessons come my way, I will do my best to learn them.....and let what is actually happening in my life be my guide, not my projections or conjecture.......on the weekends when he picks the kids up with his girlfriend and it goes smoothly, and we are all friendly and able to make it work, I am reminded that it was because I allowed myself to shatter a prison in my mind......to open the door for myself and step out and let go.....to rise above the circumstance.....and make the situation one that doesn't poke me at all......because I took its power away......the power my mind was giving it......and now it has no power over me......and it feels pretty amazing.....doing my best every day to never find myself locked up again.....for any reason......or any circumstance:)
jperuso
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