On the wings of yesterday's blog I thought I may share why I have chosen the things I have.....I share not because I owe anybody an explanation.....I don't believe I do.....but in this life we can never minimize the opportunities given to us to reach understanding across the divide.....I am guessing my old friend is not alone in her assessment of my decisions.....there are others I am sure......and my reaction to her and her opinion, was not the opinion itself, or the difference in perspective.....it was the spirit in which it was delivered.....and the feeling behind it......so to that end.....and to bring clarity to anybody else wondering why on earth would I put all of this out there????.....here is why.......I am an open and honest person......have always been that way.......I have put lots of stuff out there over the years in terms of Gabe.....of Williams Syndrome......of gratitude.....my life philosophy...... all of it.....and believe in the power of sharing truth.....I suppose due to the nature of my current path, that is what gets people uncomfortable, if they find themselves in that camp.......the content I am sharing is content that is wrought in our society with privacy, shame, and scandal........the Jenn of three years ago, the one that first found out about her husband's affair......would NEVER have shared any of this.....she was committed to hiding it......HORRIFIED..........only telling a few select people in her life.....wanting it to just go away......it was wildly uncomfortable.......embarrassing.......shameful.......all of it.......so she didn't share much at all.....including with her family......and she thought perhaps it could hide away forever......I felt that he and I could forge a new path and hide the ugliness of his affair in the shadows......In those years I did therapy......to save my marriage.....but ultimately all that therapy, ended up saving me.....having me understand all the intricate pieces of this walk.....and my experience in it......so flash forward...... he leaves.......and I thought to myself there is no way......no way after all I have been through, that I will just have my husband vanish from my life with no explanation.....letting people gossip and come up with their own twisted narrative.......I wasn't willing to do that.....so I put the initial post up......delicately sharing.....supporting him in his role as the father of my children and not welcoming bashing of him......and the response was overwhelming.....and I think the other part for me in sharing.....was the fact that we were in the middle of a raging pandemic......I had no support system.....couldn't go out with friends.....could barely see my family......the only support I had was on social media.......a virtual platform.....and it felt like the support I needed at the time, as I was cast into the early days of darkness......soon after the blog was born.......and I felt compelled to share my story as it was happening in the most delicate way that I could......I have been honest.......every step of the way........and more than fair to Nick in my blog.......remember he is the one that has chosen what he has....not me.......it is not my responsibility to hide those decisions for him.......and I believe I have done a respectable job of sharing them in a way that is as kind and compassionate to him as I can be as I walk this walk.......so in the sharing people started coming out of the woodwork.......out of their hiding, or silence, or their wounded places.......to say that by my sharing, it has touched them........healed them......inspired them......it has helped them immensely to have me articulate what they had been feeling when they were in my shoes......that my ability to express this journey in words, has helped them find their voice......and I did not expect any of that......and when it happened........I knew I had to keep going.......that what was happening was bigger than me......bigger than my sharing my story on Facebook.......that it was actually making an impact......and I received so many private messages of support, people thinking of me and cheering me on.....and empathizing and having compassion for my walk.....and it ALL MATTERED SO MUCH TO ME.........helping give me strength on the days I felt weak.....helping validate the stuff I felt so overwhelmed about.......one day in particular stands out.......it was a day that I was FED up with being on the high road.....tired of taking all the nonsense I was, and feeling hopeless......and somebody messaged me.....sharing her story as a child of her parent's divorce......that her mom had descended into bitterness and anger and nearly destroyed them all.....and her message was long and beautiful and articulate.....and she said that what I am doing for my children, by honoring their father in their lives, being positive about him to them.....supporting his relationship with them no matter what.....putting aside my personal feelings......is one of the most powerful things I can do for them......that it is such a gift, and that she wished her mother had done the same.......the message left me in tears........wow right?? Getting that message, that day, was exactly what I needed to find more gas in the tank to stay the course.......to walk in the light......not lower myself......and I could share so many more stories just like that.......powerful ones that have touched my heart.......so that was why I continued on......believing women or anyone really should not hide their pain and suffering away......and now my why has shifted some......now this whole process of blogging.........of speaking my truth.......has led me to a new calling......to helping women.......like me........feel visible in their lives again.......find passion......inspiration.....peace.......and joy on the other side of divorce and infidelity through life coaching......and none of that would have happened without my first nudge and inclination to share.......none of it.......so it may be hard for others to understand......knowing they could not do the same......and I respect that.......but for me it has been the only thing that made any sense at all.....the only thing that has made sense when my life was spinning out of control........I will never be sorry that I spoke my truth.............that I have stood in my story......finding my authenticity amid the ashes......and my story is finding the people of my tribe......and it is making a small change in a big world.......and for me that will always make all of this worth it!
jperuso
Kommentare