I would say most of my life my personality leaned more toward a type A one.....not fully, think I have always been a mix of a lot of things, but for sure there were a lot of type A stuff that felt like home to me.....always grinding, working hard, setting goals for myself, meeting them and then repeat.......and it is not all bad. I am not judging the type A folks of the world because believe me I get it.......I really do.......and type A folks GET STUFF DONE;-) no question about it.......but type A is not sustainable, at least not in a real way......at least not for me.........too intense.......too hard to run at that pace.......forever.......so as my life has been unfolding I began to shed some of those type A traits......letting them go......and then with this final mountain, I perhaps am putting most of it down for good.....I have always enjoyed being in control......particularly of myself......I don't lose control often, and do not like to feel out of control in any direction......and yet here I was with my world literally careening off a cliff, no way to stop it, nothing to do but watch it as it headed off the edge.......and every fiber of my being wanted to somehow grasp onto control to bring order back to the craziness.....yet it was impossible to do so.......so I shifted my need for order......my need for control, to suit my life in a better way......and I decided the only thing I can control is my journey through this, the way I walk, the way I talk, the grace I extend, the things I choose as I walk......all of it.......but ultimately in doing that I found I needed less control than I have ever have in my whole life......because I think sometimes people's natures press buttons in us that maybe are not the best.........don't enhance our innate stuff, maybe bring a magnifying glass to stuff that isn't the healthiest, and in turn they draw it out.......and the absence of it helps us find balance within our hearts once again.......the space allows us to look at the things that serve us, and the things that just don't.........so these days I feel I am using my love of being in control of myself for good......I am choosing to control the reasonable things, the way I walk.......my emotions and not causing any more damage as I travel........my attitude toward ALL of it and MY actions........I have said self control is my superpower before and it is very true.......I don't give in to myself very often.......I am too practical for such things.......but I am learning to let go some........allow some of the deeper parts of my soul have a say.....to run free some.......and I guess as I think of it it is probably better to not fall directly into any of the personality types......even though we find ourselves there.....it is probably healthier to maybe pick and choose parts that can make our hearts and minds well rounded......I will always keep bits of some of those type A things around.......I will never be able to let go of all of it......but I am thinking it will be used more as a resource not so much as my source........because truth is I don't need it anymore.......it doesn't serve the life I am creating.....and I see that clearly now.......I used to think life happens to us......the things that come are against us or challenging us.......I don't think that now at all.......truth is WE happen to OUR lives.........each and every day.........
jperuso
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