I am reminded often that this is MY life and I have permission to live a life that not everybody is going to understand......and that that is OK.....and another reminder came this weekend......and it is funny because the folks in my life now either totally get it and me or not at all.....not too much in between.....and that is OK.....I am not seeking to be "gotten" in this chapter as much.....of course I want people to understand me, who doesn't?? But it is no longer a requirement for my peace of mind and happiness......I had a close co-worker text me a beautiful message post, now with school being done, and it was extremely validating to me, proving to me that she "sees" me, in the ways that I see myself and want to be seen in this life:) It was lovely......especially since we are so close and she is such a close part of my life......saying to me that who I am on social media is who I am in real life.....and that she hasn't always seen that in her life, and that felt so good. Because I am who I am 100 percent of the time and seek to be consistent that way....And that is a gift when it happens.....but the realization has really rolled through me as of late, even stronger than previously, that this is MY life to lead.....no matter what.....and I think we all go through a people pleasing phase of life, maybe? I know for sure I did.....I wanted/needed the approval of those around me.....especially my closest people......and if I felt their disapproval, it immediately made me question myself and back up from the nudge that had come my way......now I live under no such restriction......I know sometimes my new ways are hard for some of my people to understand.....hell they are hard for me to understand too;-) this new level of living I have found, quite by accident.....is intense.....and not the norm........I mean what I think people don't always remember when somebody changes after a trauma or tragedy......is that they didn't choose it, not any of it.....it befell them, and what they chose was the recreating of a life....a life that was in rubble......and they had to very painstakingly pick up the pieces.....and I know the people in my life experienced my deep pain alongside of me.....but in terms of truly understanding it....you only can if you too have lived through something like it, or the exactly the same......it just is........you never know till you know.....and what is important for us all to remember is to seek to have imagination if that isn't the case.....if we haven't lived through the exact same thing somebody we care about has.....seek to imagine how we would feel.....to find that deep space of compassion and empathy.....I feel like I try and do that often, and can be pretty good at that.....imagining what another person might be feeling, even somebody that has hurt me deeply......maybe especially then......but I am not perfect in terms of that at all....I get caught up in my own way too.....but I try and remain conscious of it......and not imagine it from my side but from theirs......all people want is to be heard and seen and understood by the people who love them......like really......and it is a gift that is free for us to give......and I have learned to grow thicker skin for those that cannot understand me now, no matter what I could say or do......that meme that says there are people that could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand a word you say......so true right??? I am in the chapter of my life where I seek the people that speak my language! It turns out they are everywhere, popping out of the woodwork regularly, especially lately.....speak your truth and see who sticks around and they are your tribe right?:) and the encouragement that I take to continue my mission and path are the messages I still receive either on FB, or by bumping into somebody in person, sharing what my messages and my posts etc do for them......and a way I have encouraged them in their own life.....and the women that I coach and have had in my series.....that is my purpose.....not to please people that are not really pleased with themselves if they were being honest......it is not my job......it is my absolute bliss and honor to remain true to myself now, one hundred percent, for the remainder of my life! And that is exactly what I plan on doing! I will never betray myself again not ever! I hope you have a great Monday:)
jperuso
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