Kitchen is a funny word as I type it right? lol......But my unfinished kitchen has come to represent so much in my story.....I can still remember sitting at the kitchen table with my ex and making a plan for the kitchen, and for its renovation two months before he walked out......and left it undone......ceiling gone, mid renovation, and that is how it has remained.....a place with so much promise and hope.... yet.......all undone.....and so now my acquiring most of the funds....nearly 4 years later, to complete it myself feels like something......but I am still short on my budget......and need to make some decisions......and find a way to make most of it happen within the limits of that......and so there it remains....still undone.....for now....but soon to begin. And it doesn't make me as angry as it should......the injustice of it is far and wide.....I never would have allowed the kitchen to be torn apart had I known he was leaving....never.....and it really boggles my mind that he would even do that to me amid the rest.....and he doesn't have to look at it.....so I suppose for him it is in the out of sight out of mind category.....which I guess I sorta get......but for me it is a daily reminder of so much, and it is something I need to put to bed finally.....so I am feeling my way intuitively through these last few decisions.....and figuring out what I should do.......without stretching myself too thin.....I have new expenses this year......aftercare cost for Mads......and that is a significant amount each month......so.....I am sitting with the final decisions....and making a plan in my mind to ease the budget some......while still sticking to my vision of it all.....because the other side is that I am investing something into this, and also want it to look as much like I envision as possible.....not doing it in a way that doesn't honor the project once and for all....so it is a fine line.....and I trust implicitly that I will figure it out.....I always do:) And I have been blessed this far with the resources and the unfolding of the project to this point.....and figuring out how to make it all happen.....so the final pieces will fall together.....I have also been able to increase my income each month in a way that is pretty significant in a few directions too.....and so grateful for that.......forever being mindful, and grinding toward that, to be able to take care of my kids comfortably! So.....I am trusting it all through this final push.....and yearning for the day where I stand in my new kitchen.....and feel that moment....of accomplishment, and full circle vibes.....and putting another healing moment in place! Closing another wound:) Riding this last piece, figuring it out as I head into my new kitchen:)
jperuso
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