I have been in awe of the resiliency of children as I have traveled this journey with my kids....watching their willingness to be brave and stand in their feelings and face them and work toward healing too.....they are both doing well on the wings of our conversation this weekend.....so far nothing has cropped up....I feel like peace arrived for them some in that conversation, knowing their truth.....which is why I felt so strongly about sharing it at some point with them......despite hoping it would be further down the road.....they have been spinning in the why since he walked out the door.....and it has plagued them......their asking me endlessly "why did daddy leave?".......and my trying each time to answer it the best I could without being able to share the truth......and now we are all free of that.....and in a perfect world he would have been included in the conversation, becoming part of the healing....but that is not possible, not as things stand now.....and so the three of us are setting about the business of doing that......and despite the truth being heavy, I see some lightness in them too....it still all feels sort of uncomfortable to me....and I am examining that in me....why I get a visceral reaction when I think about it for them....and I am guessing it is just my motherly feelings of protection on their behalf.....his household is under the weather so they haven't seen him and won't for a little bit so we have time to navigate it some beforehand.....I am wondering if I should relay what I we talked about and weighing that all out....so I am grateful for the time to contemplate it all.......and this past weekend I did get saturated in the need to be so strong in all of it.....all by myself....no soft place to land.....just needing to rally endlessly.....to look in the mirror each day and be the support I need for me....to offer up the motivation and support to keep going.....and sometimes I am tired of it....that is true......but it is my kids and their mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health that keeps me going......keeps me moving.....keeps me working toward my goals, and keeps me inspired to keep going.....even when the weariness settles in.....when you are the strong one nobody thinks you need anything.....they just assume you got it, so they don't ask.....and that can be hard because it is also hard to ask for help if you are the strong one;-) and I am trying to get better at that.....trying.....so my kids will be with me again this weekend and we will have fun and find fun things to do. And I feel grateful I can be a soft place to land for them....I hope they always feel that.....they can lay their burdens at my feet and I will be there to help them sort through them.....always....it is my honor in this life to walk with them through all of this....and it is something I take seriously......each and every day.......
jperuso
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