My daughter has been wise since the day she was born and is a deep soul......being far wiser than her 8 years.....and she started a conversation in the car coming home from church the other night, that I found quite profound.....one of the nurse's at the hospital remarked about her wisdom when I had her.....wheeling her back in the middle of the night after they bathed her, and saying that my girl stared at her with this quiet intent, and an alertness, and that she felt she had wisdom in it.....:) Even then......And that has been so true....so she asked in the car as we were coming home from Christmas Eve service if I ever wonder what would have happened if her dad had stopped his affair, and worked on fixing things for real and stayed......now if you are reading and haven't been for awhile.....she has long put the pieces of her story together, based on circumstances, and in that same wisdom....and put me on the spot last year to fill in some gaps.....which I very gently did.....not painting her dad as the villain or bad guy at all.....just explaining some of what was, very much at her level.....and so she understands some of the dynamics, and I believe strongly her truth should not be hidden away from her, since it had such a profound impact on her life.....so she asked me that, and I said well I don't think of it too often....feeling very much like what happened was meant to be for me, and realizing it was time for your dad and I to part ways....and then she got a little weepy and said well he would be with us right now and heading home to celebrate Christmas, and my heart broke for her and I said I know sweetie.....I know how hard that is for you and your brother and I am so so sorry......and then she said I would never be with somebody that would cheat on me.....and my blood ran still......and an opportunity for real clarity came forward.....and I said well, here is the thing.....I never would have thought your dad would do that, and the fact is we never really know if somebody is capable of that or not....and you cannot be afraid to love somebody or give your heart to somebody based on that.....God has a beautiful plan for our lives and trusting that is the way through that.....just trusting that you are supposed to spend time with or love who you are supposed to, and trust the timing of it all and trust how long it is meant to be in your life......and you cannot always see what another person is capable of.....and she listened and seemed to really understand.....understanding what I was saying and finding comfort in that.....and the other day she mentioned recognizing how well she has gotten through all of this, and she really has, and that she feels peace on the other side of it all....which touched my heart.....we work so hard on healing in this house so that we don't have to live with demons, and carry it into our future, and in not holding in the stuff that poisons souls....and I give the kids room to say whatever they need to say, and work through their feelings, and I support their dad to them, and work toward having them reconcile the truth with the fact that their dad loves them deeply......I know that is true.....and so I hope she heard me....I hope she doesn't shy away from love because of what happened between her dad and I.....I would always choose living the story I did to end up here.....with them as mine, and my life as it is, always:)
jperuso
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