Turns out I had some more to say on the subject......more pulling at my heart.......and it is this......love alone isn't enough...........it just isn't.......and when you love somebody that doesn't love themselves it is even less than enough..........sad but true........I often said and wished that my husband loved himself the way I did.......saw himself through my eyes.......and felt for himself the things I felt for him.......but that is not possible..........and I think for me it is hard to think of all the things I did for him, all the things I tried to do so well in an attempt to convey that love accurately, convey it fully............. only to end up here.......and it lets me know that even if you excel in certain things and do all you can, if it is for the wrong audience it just won't work.........and it will be taken for granted each and every time.......now as I say all of that I am not in any way saying I was perfect in my marriage......I was not and I fell short my fair share of times as well.......but I did try really really hard and I was fiercely loyal to him each and every day, and I did many things in the day to day that showed that I cared for him........but he stopped seeing those things or recognizing them........the quote that says that "you never know how broken somebody is until you try and love them"...........all true.........which leads me to believe that the most important love..........the one that two folks that try and love one another should possess is the ability to love themselves.........to truly conquer the art of self love.......and I feel I am closer to that in my life than I have ever been.........I am not sure I ever considered it or thought of it as a thing to work on or a thing to be all that conscious of........I felt I loved myself enough in my life treated my body with respect and felt OK about myself in the day to day......but as I have learned in the last few months I had more work to do in that regard.....have more work to do in that regard.........I am really hard on myself much of the time, and in turn it can translate outward and my expectations for others......to rise and to be........to push themselves in the way I do me........and that just doesn't always work........so as I am finding peace in who I am and learning to love myself without pushing myself so hard in a thousand different directions, I think that will create a healthier more whole version of me to venture into the world with...........I do feel the love I offered my husband in this life was. a special one.........and one that won't come to find him again in his lifetime........I know that is a bold statement but I believe it to be true........when I love somebody I do it fiercely and from the most loyal and pure place in me, and I don't think that kind of love resides around every corner.......I just don't.........and his lesson in this life I am sure is in the letting go of that gift perhaps and what happens in the aftermath.......or maybe his lesson is to learn to love himself somehow.......to learn to receive such a special love and allow himself to be loved.......because that is something he struggles with and was his downfall.......is not knowing how to let himself be loved........among other things..........but for now I am not too worried about loving anyone else.........when and if it comes it will...........I am concerned with loving me.........and doing that really well..........and when I seek another person to love I want to be sure they love themselves too..........
jperuso
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