Mads asks me this a lot.........if I like her......the other woman......her dad's girlfriend.....and I answer as honestly as I can which is yes......she always says "you DO?" as if she understands fully the complication that lies in my telling her yes.......I do like the way she treats my kids.....I like the fact that my kids like her a lot......I like that she looks out for them......I like that she has joined me in the space we now both occupy......one that has required so much on my part to get to, and maybe her too, but one that I am glad to be in.....do I trust her......no.......I am not sure how long it will take to trust either of them based on all that has happened......do I believe it all- probably not......but there is enough there to honestly answer my daughter when she asks me this question and for that I am grateful......I learned early on that if I harbored hate and anger for this woman then I lose......quite simply......I live in a prison of my own creation, and I wasn't willing to walk into that cell and lock the door.......I just wasn't......so I chose grace......and acceptance......and kindness.......and I chose to let go......let go of all I could not control and focus on what I could......which was to try......on my end.......to make this situation as tolerable as it could be......to do my part.....and so did she.......mostly......there are still cards she holds that cause some challenges......but that is her work to do.......not mine.......but in the day to day I look to appreciate her efforts and support of my kids and her seeming genuine affection for them.......and mostly I am grateful for her......she helped free me too, to live the life I am now.....so holding on to any of it is totally futile......and when I think of how much growth has happened in this part of the story I feel proud.......I feel proud that I am showing my daughter this.....and showing her what acceptance and forgiveness looks like.....what grace feels like......and how you can do really hard things and they can yield such positive results......someday Madeline will truly understand the strength that it required for her mom to make friends with the other woman for the sake of she and her brother......she will know that her mom loved she and her brother fiercely every minute, and was willing to do whatever it took to not add to the pain and suffering they had endured.......and I hope she is proud of me too:)
jperuso
Comments