Miracles!

I have been writing about the heaviness I have been finding in life as of late.....and my goal has been to stay in the light....and not lose myself in the darkness.....trying to proceed from the best parts of me to seek resolution......and so in the spirit of that I reached out to my ex to express wanting to meet and discuss the new landscape his visits will take now because of the events of the past weekend......and when he came here on his own to get the kids and take them to dinner last night..........I expected that perhaps I would feel his animosity toward me, and my becoming the scapegoat in this story too....the bad guy.......and I was so wrong.....and happy to be so wrong.......he met me in the space, and behaved so beautifully......making me realize he too understood the things I do about it all- and that there may be a way forward in a new way.....a better way.....improved......and the kids had a great time at dinner.....and things seemed softer somehow last night. And the relief and validation is kinda hard to articulate......there were a few wildly validating moments in our exchange that both surprised me but also healed me.......and I have held out hope and faith in these moments......despite often having no reason to continue to believe......but the truth is hope floats......it is the buoy we have when the waves crash on the beach......and that buoy helps us navigate the waters.....allows us a place to cling to......and yesterday's brief exchange, only a few moments, felt like a miracle to me.....I am a believer of miracles......I had spoken to my pastor earlier in the day with the things that were plaguing my heart and God heard those prayers....and I know enough to not get my hopes up too high.....and how quickly things can change......but my goal has only been for us to have an amicable relationship for our kids, and be able to communicate effectively for them.....that is all.....and I have been able to move past, and offer forgiveness for the transgressions that have been done to me.....and offer up freedom to us all.....and all I have wanted in return is for that to be acknowledged and for me to be joined in that space......and I had a memory when I was speaking to my Pastor......after my ex had left I didn't sleep well for months.....in the beginning barely at all.....and sometimes I could fall asleep if I pictured lying on Jesus' lap and having him rub my head, and tell me all would be OK.... sometimes that image would allow me to drift off......and it was a buoy......my faith in the things I could not see, which is now my new life and the healing, peace, and happiness I have found no matter what:) So.......I will choose to continue to believe that everything can, and will get better.......everything......even when it seems hopeless.....maybe especially then.....My life is a living breathing example of that.....and I am honored and blessed to be able to share that through my blog......so if you needed to believe that yourself too here you go:)....this is your sign too:) Happy Thursday!