We all have wants, needs, and desires.....it is a part of our human condition......and often times we think of needs in terms of babies or children......but the truth is we all have them....and just as we cannot teach a child whose basic needs are not being met, we have trouble thriving in our own lives if our needs are not being met......and in my old life I thought very little about my own needs....and very few of them were being met most of the time....and it didn't matter......I focused on meeting the needs of others back then.....or trying to.......but part of my unmet needs was on me.....not getting quiet enough to know what I needed......to ask for what I needed.....or to demand my needs get met too......and now I feel so differently about all of it.....needs are a funny thing......I think they become more apparent or clear in the space of being single.....and I don't just mean physical needs when I say that....although that is of course a part of it.....but it is more than that.....becoming single....and living alone..... takes the burden of having our needs met off of another person....no more blaming or pawning off the responsibility of our unmet needs.....or putting that power in another's pocket, it suddenly is on us....and I have found that really powerful.....because in the absence of another person in my life to hang my happiness on.....or my peace, or my joy, or my satisfaction, has turned that responsibility onto me....and it is one I have grown to take very seriously.....I do a pretty good job of meeting most of the needs I have in my life now.....as many as I am able....and in a really intentional and loving way.....and it has changed everything.....because it has shown me, that whoever comes, whoever goes, whoever I lose in this life will not impact my own needs being met, not in a real sense, not ever again.....because I have learned the power of meeting my own....having an arsenal of things to lean in on when the going gets tough.....I know as I type this, that no matter how deeply I love another person, or how vulnerable I allow myself to be, I will never be in a position to be hurt the way I was after my ex left, never.....and that feels well.....powerful:)....and it won't be because I hold back, or because I don't allow myself to feel, or go all in.....it just means I won't be giving my power away....never again.....attaching to it all so tightly and expecting it to be my everything.....letting my entire life ride on the success of it.....never.....we should never be doing that.....because anything can happen, and things and people change.....I am living proof of that indeed.....And one regret that I carry.....is knowing that my ex husband felt he was responsible for my being happy a lot of the time, and likely felt he fell short of that for many reasons....some valid and some not....but I should never have put that power in his pocket, or burden on his back......never.....and I know that now....we are the only ones that can bring happiness and satisfaction to our doorsteps.....we are the only ones that can meet so many of our needs....and if we cannot directly meet a need, I have found we can find a suitable substitution that can push a similar button.....but it is wildly unfair to make those around us solely responsible for any of it.....and I won't do that again....I will hold high standards....on how I am treated and loved....never wavering again on that........but I won't ever surrender the meeting of my own needs again, and place them in the pocket of another....it is my responsibility each and every day....to show up for me and love me no matter who I love.....and I get better and better as time marches on, at identifying what I need and finding a way to meet that need:) And it has been my way home to me:) Enjoy the snow y'all;-)
And day 7 of Pilates was a rest day- but I opted for another 10 min ab one and 😳😉😎
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