Some road weary vibes found me this weekend.....I am keenly aware that the journey I am on is a marathon not a sprint.....it requires sustained stamina.....and has for nearly 3 years.....This has been a long 3 years for sure.....magical and challenging on repeat.....digging out of the darkness, and then hitting my stride, but I have been running at full tilt since, keeping all the balls going.....and I am feeling a little road weary as of late.....not in spirit but feeling bogged down in my responsibilities......to my house mostly.....just endless financial and physical responsibility.....so I am working on problem solving that some, and shifting my mindset.....and I became weary this weekend, weary of being so strong....for SO long....maybe my whole life.....and not wanting to be "the strong one" anymore.......yearning for a soft place to land, and lay down some of that down for a minute.....and knowing I cannot.....it is me....and I know this is a part of it....being a single mom is tough.....it is a lot....in so many ways....and it is hard for me sometimes, to walk the line between...my understanding that part of my life is way easier alone....a big part of my life.....but there is a whole other part that is more challenging.....and I guess everything is like that right? Nothing is one way.....life is a lot like that.......feeling both in something....but when I had my therapy appointment to discuss talking to my kids....that came up for me....feeling weary in the strength of it all.....and what it requires of me.....and I know I will catch my third or fourth wind soon;-) I know that......but this weekend found me a little tired....so yesterday I mowed and took care of some of that, and then hit the woods to rejuvenate my soul.....and it helped....and I have been here before on this journey....hitting a road weary spot.....knowing that it will pass and it did....but I think acknowledging it is important....I carry a lot on any given day, and the awareness of it is important I think....and giving myself permission and space to feel it....and own it.....and just like my video Saturday, I think it is important for us to be honest about our truth....so others can feel safe to do the same....so this weekend found me having a moment....feeling some kinda way about it all....not wanting to be strong anymore, wanting to default to somebody else to do so....wanting a break....a place to catch my breath.....and this morning finds me renewed in my resolve.....my resolve to continue to accept where I am.....my life as it is......and work toward finding ways to combat the weariness in my life every day.....and the way, which I know to be true, is to pour into myself every day, exercise, meditation, nature on repeat......filling my cup, so I can continue to pour into the places I need to......onward and upward I go! Happy Monday y'all:)
jperuso
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