I have examined love a lot on this journey......wondering about it.....where does it come from? What makes it stay? What helps it grow?......What makes two people love each other? Or remain in love with one another all of their days? All of that and more.....and love is magic....no question......it is one of the greatest gifts we get in this life, to love and be loved......and I think it is so much more than a feeling,....I have a friend that tells me all the time that feelings are not facts.....and well that is true...but love is a wonderful feeling alongside so many other things........but so much of what I have learned of love is that it is a decision......a clear decision to love somebody no matter what.....and that is a beautiful thing.....even if you have to love them from afar for reasons that are complicated, or when timing is not quite right.....but love is rare also..........the real kind anyway.....I have written that I have been blessed with love in my life....despite my being a middle aged divorced gal;-) I promise what I am saying is true....;-)But joking aside I have been super blessed....and now in this chapter I know I am worthy of love.....the amazing kind....the kind I seek to give and receive.....after being abruptly awakened......and no matter what happens along my journey I won't ever forget that again.....and learning to love myself and make peace with Jenn has made all of that much more apparent........and I had fallen in love with somebody after my ex left, and he had fallen in love with me.....and if you have read my blog for a long time you will remember.....I have written of him before......our friendship happening on the wings of my ex departing.......him being an amazing friend during that time.....giving me so much of what I needed....his path being similar, and he was able to be there in the ways I needed.....most definitely a divine appointment......a gift from above to save me from some of the pain.......and our relationship did not start in love......it started in the deepest parts of friendship and truth....and being our real selves....no pretense......and we accidentally fell in love.....and I was so scared at that time.....and kept it at bay......not wanting to get back in the pool so early on.....and our story has taken many twists and turns in the last 3 years.....and some of them tough....and timing never quite right.....but I have been following my intuition and divine guidance at every turn, because it has absolutely been a story that was supposed to play out in my life......and what has always caused me to trust the story amid those twists and turns was the love part.....that part has always remained between us....even if timing and circumstance were not on our side......I know he loves me, and he knows the same from me.....we have been through some stuff along the way.......and being loved by him has been wildly comforting albeit complicated too lol, and if you are reading you may think it is simple....and wonder why we are not together? And well it isn't......lol But it has been a beautiful part of my story....I have learned a lot by being loved by him even though we have never managed to "get together"......I feel unconditionally loved by him......no matter what.....and that was a version of love I have never been familiar with......the other versions of love I have experienced in my life, but not feeling loved unconditionally in romantic love......and having a friend that loves you fiercely is a gift no matter what, it just is.....and I have no way of knowing what love has in store for me up ahead in this life.....or if my friend and I will ever get it right in this life......or if another love will find me......but what I do know....is that love is the point......of it all......to choose love......and choose to keep it alive when the world threatens to put it out......if I am honest there is a voice sometimes in my head, when it comes to love, that wonders if maybe I am not made for it, that maybe the love story I have sought in this life will never find me.....and that is the last negative voice in my head.....I have extinguished the rest;-) But the love theme has been present in my life always......so it makes sense it is my mountain to climb and battle those thoughts.....and my rational mind knows better....I know all the things.....I know I am worthy and lovable and all of it.....but still that voice persists sometimes......wondering why it has always been complicated.....and seeing others make it look so easy.....and well I don't know:) We all have our crosses to carry in this life.....and on any given day, or in any given moment I am blessed....to feel fiercely loved by my people, and I have my fair share:) And I remain hopeful always that this life will find me getting romantic love right at some point.....a lifetime goal if you will, like my lake house retreat center;-) But if that never happens for me....in the ways that I imagine.....the love I have already received has shown me so much.....and I have been so fortunate truly:)
jperuso
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