Love is the point right? To love others as your self and with your whole heart? I always felt that that is the point of this world to love fiercely, go big or go home. That kind of love though leaves you with all of your cards on the table. Not having any left for yourself, on reserve, just in case........ I am having such a week of hindsight is 2020, like literally this time;-) In that hindsight I am finding MY sight......I am seeing myself more clearly and that I loved with abandon and fiercely, and at all costs, even though I had lost sight of myself. My own love, my own needs, my own life became consumed by another..... So where I am sitting now I know that my love moving forward, after being poured into my children, will need to be poured into ME. I will have to be cautious about giving it away to anybody else...... I will never be sorry for how much I loved or how freely I gave that love, my love story even with its horrible ending, didn't start out that way, and it was always one of my favorites....... but I will definitely take lessons along with me moving forward......I will demand that what I give I receive......the energy I put in is what I get out.....The issue with love, and particularly with how I love is that I love people for their strengths and their magical spaces, and I don't always give enough attention to their faults.....not in a way that keeps me from loving them......I also try my very best to see the good and maybe it causes me to see somebody differently than they are.......or maybe not see the things I always should.....I have often have wished that people could love themselves the way I love them, see themselves as I do......if that were the case the outcome may have been different.....my husband is not acting in a way I recognize.....as the man I have loved fiercely all these years....from the moment I met him.......truly love at first sight.......I am not sure I will see that man again.....and with that realization comes deep sadness..... but even if I did he is no longer for me......my love for him no longer belongs to him.....the love I shared with him all these years will stay in my heart....in a special place.....locked away.....and will eventually fade into the background of my life......it will always remain a treasured part of my journey on this earth, but that love, the way it was once upon a time, can never be again.......it just can't.........
jperuso
Many of these blogs, especially with the ones of how he has changed, remind me of how my ex changed. (You know the one I mean..) I know he's still in there some where and I still love him so much and miss him often. I saw more in him than most others did and I hope he finds himself again. We weren't married, of course, but we were together 7 yrs and were quite a team. I also know that if he ever came around again, things would never, could never be the same. It's definitely hard to replace someone that you had such a connection with, but I'm optimistic that it will happen, some day.