Love is magical.........it is one of the greatest gifts we are given in this life. To be loved and to love another. It is what I believe the point of everything is.......to love our neighbor without questioning whether they are worthy of it.......freely loving people when we can..........even in their unlovable places...............Loving our children is easy......impossible to avoid........our hearts are wired for an instant love affair the moment we lay eyes on the perfect humans we have created, and it only strengthens from that moment on.......only grows and grows, stronger and stronger, deeper and deeper.........with each passing day........but romantic love..........it is way more complicated........when I think back to the beginning of my life with Nick, and the beginning of our love story, it was intoxicating........a whirlwind of feel good hormones and instant love, and a bond I was sure would last forever......it was magic........like being swept up into another world and being totally captive and powerless to fight it.........so what happens to love like that? I am always grateful that I got to experience something like that in my life, I am keenly aware people live their whole lives never having loved.........or been loved the way I have in my life........it is definitely better having loved than never at all......even if it ends in crushing heartache........even then................I am and always will be a sucker for love......these days I wonder if I have another love affair waiting for me in my lifetime.......another great love to ride out the remainder of my life with??? Kind of fun and exciting to think of..........and it is OK if I don't.......it really is...........if I have exhausted my love quota in this life........I can accept it.............but maybe.........maybe there is another great love out there for me to share my life with.........the thing I love about love is the mystery of it all......the couple of times I feel I have experienced true love, it was not the same way twice......it behaves differently each time it comes to visit you.........and what is it in two people that causes them to love one another?........is it chemistry.......is it an awareness of my soul recognizing yours.....is it a feeling........is it a place in us........so hard to place a finger on..........but as we know love changes over time, when you love somebody for a long time........and that sparky magic gets turned down a bit......able to be found in weekends away with your spouse.......in the moments when you are not mom and dad and you are each other's people........in random moments that help you remember amid the noise in life..........but not always present in the day to day........fading into mature love.......and if you are strong enough you accept that love changes and deepens into a more beautiful and refined love........you find peace in that and respect the love you share.......but if you are a chaser of a high..........mature love brings discontent to your heart and mind.....and you are looking for that new love feeling to light you up.....to give you the excitement you crave.........and I think that happened in my marriage.........I was content to understand that long term love looks and feels different.....content to find that sparky magic when we could and accept the day to day mature love we had found........I don't think he felt the same.........I think he thought the grass was greener........that new love and infatuation was more important.........I know he did because we had talked about it........and he seemed to understand the difference between those things until he didn't........my prediction is that his regret will come to find him too.......at discarding the love I gave him so easily..............so here we are........such a mistake to think that new love lasts forever and to not honor what is deep and true between two people..........grave mistake..........I am now in the world with the possibility of falling in love again in my life.......and it feels kinda magical.........I will love Nick forever........I know that......a part of him will live in my heart for the rest of my life..........but I know now that I deserved somebody that was willing to honor our love the way it was.........and respect the gift we had been given..........and I believe he may just be out there...............
jperuso
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