I have to go to the dentist earlier this morning and it is a bit of a drive....and it seemed like a good idea to make the appointment while I am off....but I guess it wasn't the greatest idea the day after a holiday lol:) I am typing this exhausted and early......because well I know that if I had chosen to stay in bed for an hour, and cancel my workout......I would have less energy than if I got up earlier and got my workout in......so I am caffeinating.....and getting myself ready to roll....and I can chill some when we get back.....going to work on report cards this afternoon, do some stuff around here, then put my feet up! I cooked some Saturday to be ready to kinda do that......the kids and I had a lovely spring break....and a few of my family mentioned yesterday how good the kids are, and they can see that they are thriving.....despite.....and that means more to me than maybe anything......knowing that somehow we have emerged out of our bomb shelter, and learned to adapt and thrive in our new environment.....we talked the other day in the car some about it all again...and I always welcome them talking about anything they want, whenever.....everybody needs that kinda space....and Mads was articulating it all well....and feeling Ok about it all in a real sense....but saying she struggles some when she sees families, and kids with their dads.....and I told her I understood that completely.....she talked more about what she wants to say to him someday.....and her feelings on it all.....telling me again she was glad I had given him a second chance.....and I told her that that means a lot for her to say that.....because I had always wondered if that chance, and those two years was a wise choice....and now I know it was....it was worth the peace it has given her.....and she liked that......but we really are OK....like really.....and we kind of live on the fringe a bit.....you don't feel like you fit in with families...quite......even though our family is legitimate in every way......and even though Easter was lovely with my family.....it is when I feel it the most....and it is challenging a little.....feeling like the wheel......the odd man out.....even though I know I am not.....you get the idea......as I was driving home last night....I was thinking of it all....how I never imagined this space.....never....and wondering how being raised by a single mom......will serve my children long term.....so far it seems to be going really well, but I pray that is always the case....and that I remain enough for them....I work hard to be.....which is why I am going to leverage that energy and time....and throw some weights around this morning:) Give myself the boost I need! Happy Monday:)
jperuso
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