So it is has been sort of exciting to see who the man will be that I will finally have a relationship with post marriage......so far it remains a mystery......but I have learned a lot about what I want.....and what I don't.....and my own things that I have wanted to work on and not carry forward in my life......working really hard to understand those things....and obliterate them.......and a silly meme made me think of another one the other day.....I love memes and I am not even sorry about that lol:) Can't help it! So this meme was about loading the dishwasher, saying that in a partnership there is one person that stacks it like a architect, and one like a raccoon on meth.....and I am for sure the raccoon in that scenario :) and it made me think of what creeps into a relationship that just needs to stay out of it......and that is lecturing and contempt......the lecturing of our partner......gosh I cringe as I type this.....who wants to be lectured as a grown human?? Or by their love....... Nobody......and there were things he would lecture me about or critique, like the dishwasher and my lack of caring or wanting it to be perfectly packed....I just wanted clean dishes and for it to be done amid the other chores lol:) and I will also say loading the dishwasher was nearly my job 100 percent of the time, so I always wondered why he cared to even say anything on the rare occasion he was doing it??? Anyway I digress;-) And I had my own lecturing repertoire in our relationship too.....some felt valid, maybe others not so much.....especially as I am in the live and let live camp now....but my point in all of this is that lectures have no place in a relationship, and in love, in my opinion......we are who we are.....especially now.....and we need to embrace our people for those people....I mean if something concerns us or will end up being harmful or something we could try and talk about it, I don't mean we shouldn't talk and negotiate how we feel, and what we can live with, I just mean lectures should not be a part of that.....we should be seeking to help and support our partner, not remind them of where they fall short.....they already know and don't need to be reminded;-) it was such a huge turnoff to me, and shut me down if I am being honest.....and only made me feel crappy, it never made me think oh yeah, he is right I will do that lol;-) and if the dishwasher stacking bothers you so much then you could do it all the time right?? lol:) or just let me do it as I do in the midst of all the other things I had to do.....Sounds logical to me??? and we need to offer our people more grace for who they are......and what naturally comes in with them......Learning more about astrology, and about what is found there, makes me more sympathetic and empathetic to a challenge somebody might have.....some stuff is hard to help.....I have talked about my struggles with staying organized......I can organize and do a great job, and my main space is always picked up.... but it is hard to remain that way in certain spaces in my life....and I am working on it for me, but being berated about it, or made to feel deficient in some way about it is not helpful.....our worth in this life is so much bigger than one challenge we may carry.......and we all have strengths and weaknesses....and turns out I come by my mess honestly, in my chart, I am a balance of all of the elements and some are messy and some seek to clean it all up! So I am balanced in that way:) ......I seek to keep order daily.....but sometimes marvel at my junk drawer and the mess within lol:) I actually have been on a cleaning and organizing bender this week;-) the best kind of bender.....Mads is still in school so I thought I should take this week.....go room by room organize and purge, so come next week we are ready for adventure.......:) So I say all of this to say this......in my next relationship I seek to not get lectured or do any lecturing;-) Loving and being loved for who we are! Happy Wednesday y'all:)
jperuso
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