Kindergarten..........

My girl starts kindergarten today......and as milestones come so does some sadness.....I never dreamed on the day she was born, that by the time she reached kindergarten, life would look like this......she is excited and happy.......she has accepted that her dad isn't here to share these things.....she is still super positive and looking forward to all of it.....I love that about her......she sort of accepts what is......lets go of the rest.......sometimes I feel she accepts things better than the rest of us.....in her wise little 5 year old body and spirit.....I am so glad that what has happened hasn't wrecked her spirit......she is vibrant and fun, a jokester at heart and she has been able to keep that :) Her sadness.....as it relates to her dad.....comes at some points but she doesn't live in it.......guess she and I share that........kindergarten is so bittersweet......letting go of our babies.......in a real way......I have enjoyed every moment of her life to this point......and know she is ready in every single way for the adventure that awaits her.......I also know that as she grows our relationship will bloom in ways that it may not have, if we had stayed together.......I feel like the things that I am sharing with her now.....the things she is witnessing in me......and getting from me now.....are important things.....and if things had remained, in hindsight......there were things she would have gotten or believed that I wouldn't have wanted her to.......as a result of the chaos and damage control state we were living in.......in this version.......the one we are living.....she gets to see what independence looks like......self reliance........self esteem........love.......joy......peace.......levity........her home is truly a refuge for she and her brother......a place of peace........of stability.......all of it......and it makes me feel good that I get to give those things to her and more.........and while I never wanted her to live a life......in a home without a dad.......the way things were going would have done more harm than good......I know that now..........she is better off seeing me in this light.......and it will impact her life in ways that I hope make it better in every way........and I think our relationship will continue to evolve and develop in special ways because of the new changes I have seen in our dynamic.......hoping it helps me fare the teenage years better;-) I think she and I will remain in this special place of closeness and understanding.....we had the sweetest talk last night about all the things she is excited about for school......what makes her nervous......all of it and it was so sweet to hear her.......I truly treasure that I have both she and Gabe in my day to day and to walk in all of this with me.....there is truly nowhere else I would rather be......but it feels really good to be setting an example I am truly proud of for them......but particularly for my daughter......teaching her how to be a woman......one that can overcome adversity and find her way on the other side.......and I hope as she lives her life, those lessons stay with her, and her heart and soul always knows that she has a home wherever I am......Go get em Mads:) I cannot wait to watch you blaze your trail my sweet honey girl:):):)