So I don't have a truly vengeful cell in my entire body or a spiteful one....revenge is not my thing really.....it requires energy in an area I am not willing to give my energy to and it isn't in me....it just isn't, which I suppose is extremely fortunate for a few folks around here due to recent events in my life.......but that is not to say that the notion of karma, or seeing natural consequences come to find those that have imposed such pain and suffering on me endlessly, ........ because of their own truly selfish actions, doesn't come to find me.....because I would absolutely be lying if I said I didn't ever feel those things.....or wish the karma train had a quicker speed as it travels;-) and when I slip too far down into those thoughts, or let the rabbit hole grab a hold of my foot...... I fight to bring myself back and focus on ME and MY LIFE, and do my best to not concern myself with the rest.....and to remind myself that all those things are not my business.....what happens to others as a result of their crimes against me just isn't up to me....nor should it be in any way......However I do believe in karma......I believe it is real, and that what you put out into this world is what comes back.....and that it is important to put goodness and love into the world.....and perhaps that is the most important thing there is.........above all other things.....I also believe you should always do right by people in this life......and if that isn't what is put out perhaps something else comes back.....something less desirable......I also don't believe that you get to destroy a family senselessly and mercilessly and just "get away" with that, and live happily ever after.....I just don't.......but ultimately it is NOT UP TO ME and that battle requires A LOT OF LETTING GO! And the letting go is pretty difficult to do at this point in my journey......but as I said it becomes a slippery slope quickly when you have been dealt an entire deck of cards filled with pain, suffering, deception, lies, loss, horror, shock, and all the rest and you don't want to be alone in all of that suffering and not be able to see that the actions that have occurred have consequences for all parties, not just you and your sweet children.......even though you know that they likely do even though you are not seeing it all........so the karma mountain will be a tough one for me to keep reigning myself in from.....to stop trying to climb it to see what is on the other side...to stay out of the idea as often as I can....to not worry what karma comes to find the people that have harmed myself and my children.....to just LET IT BE.......and worry more about my own karma and what imprint I want to make in the universe.....and what karma I hope visits me......and be mindful of the energy that I am putting out and how it will come back to visit me one day......so revenge no......I don't wish bad things, truly bad things for people.......I truly and honestly don't.......no matter what has been done to me.......However I saw a quote the other day that rings true for me in this moment in time........in this part of my journey to healing......."I didn't wish him the best in the world.....because that would be a lie, but I didn't wish him the worst either.......I simply wished him whatever he deserved. Now whether he deserved good things or bad things, was none of my business......that was between him and karma." My enlightened self tells me down the road, when the wound is no longer so fresh, the pain not so constant, I will have to work harder in the wishing him well department, like fully all the way well.........to free myself.....but for now this feels about right....and that is a goal for another day........and I hope to get there someday..........but for now..........this is absolutely true.........
jperuso
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