I am hoping this message reaches those that need to hear it today..... It is a powerful one.....my ex never gives me the benefit of the doubt....never.....never seeks to be in my shoes.....not ever....and my trying to do that for him as much as I am able has been life changing for me....it helps me to seek to understand.....to empathize......to make my side of the story peaceful....and keeps the tumultuous stuff at bay much more than it might normally be....but he never gives me that....and he doesn't outwardly trash me in front of the kids, but every once in awhile a snide remark makes it way back to me.....something he has said.....and it happened the other day......they pick up the kids on Wednesday after school, and they have dinner with them at their house.....and Gabe had told me where he would be to picked up after school.....and I relayed it to his girlfriend, because of my not being able to speak to him directly......and his girlfriend picks up the kids most times....so I guess he picked them up this past Wednesday, and due to the rain we got Wednesday....Gabe wasn't where he told me he would be...they had moved indoors......and my ex and Mads had trouble finding him.....and he made a remark about "their mom needing to communicate better"......and well.....sigh......I can't think of a more absurd comment in light of how hard I try to communicate in this story....but.... what I have learned is this....trying to impart reason, and facts to that kind of energy is a WASTE OF MY ENERGY.......and I don't give any of it any air time at all....it is the most ridiculous remark in every single way.....it lacks insight and clarity, and all of the rest....and I just choose to step over those comments......just step right over.....he has decided that I am the villain in this story.....despite all that has happened....and my being the villain makes his story work....and you know what that is OK with me.....I will be the villain in his story....initially it made me wild.....it felt so unfair, and made me crazy....and I spent time fighting against it.....speaking my truth....sending texts etc.....and early on it became so clear to me.....it just doesn't matter.....he has no desire to heal with me.....to own his truth.....to step into a place of understanding....and now over 3 years in, I am guessing the likelihood of that happening gets smaller and smaller.....I wrote not too long ago about what people thinking about you being none of your business, and it is still true:) The only person you need to understand you, and know your intentions, and your heart is you:) And this phenomenon has come to find me a few times.....I have lost a few friends along the way.....and initially I was shocked and stunned to hear their assessment of things....and it wasn't in a space of my not owning my own stuff.....it was just total lies about me, and skewed perspective on what it is I am trying to do now in my life....and it lacked any empathy for all I have endured....and what I need to do to heal....and I make no apologies for any of that....and it didn't affect their lives at all....so their coming after me was so odd...and cruel.......but again.....my message today is to just let them be wrong....it is OK....I don't seek to shout my truth to anybody that doesn't understand me.....I just don't.......I know who I am.....I know my strengths....I know my faults.....I try to move without any ill intent....and I own my mistakes.....I know myself deeply....and the people who. are meant to be in my life know those things too....without my needing to convince them of that....and if the need to convince them arises....well then there is my cue that they are no longer my person......so I allow my ex to think I am the villain endlessly....no longer fighting against it....and sometimes it hurts me....there is a pang of that after all we went through in this life....and it feels so disrespectful and disheartening.....and just so UNFAIR considering all of it......but there is a much bigger part of me that doesn't care any longer.....his opinion of me carrying no weight any longer.....my loss of respect for him taking the sting out of his assessment of me.......and I am committed to just letting him be wrong about me.....and continuing to focus on showing up in this story in the ways I want to....and need to for my children.....continuing to offer him the benefit of the doubt every single time.....and seeking to understand him, and empathize from afar......with his human condition.....and protecting my peace and happiness every single day! And surrendering to just letting them be wrong......
jperuso
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