There have been so many moments along this journey that have felt good, but a few moments that have felt REALLY good....I have written of some of them and likened it to looking out mid climb, at the view, and just taking a moment to take it all in......to appreciate where you have been and where you are now......yesterday I got my date to close on my home equity loan for my NEW kitchen, ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!.......And the all by myself part is what tickles my fancy;-) my power and confidence has been borne in the things I have been able to do on my own.......refinancing my house on my own, and buying him out......getting my newer car.....and now this.....and just financially keeping myself afloat alone, and having a pretty darn good time while I am doing it:) Traveling some and having all I need and more:) BUT THIS.......THIS......feels like perhaps the sweetest moment to date.....I was holding my breath till I got cleared to close, knowing it would happen, all my ducks in a row....... but not wanting to have my excitement dashed.....this kitchen has remained undone for nearly 4 years.....and I have patiently waited.....trusting that the opportunity would come.....and that the answer would arrive......and that I would figure it out.......not letting myself get upset or jangled.....or angry.....just biding my time......slow and steady winning the race.....and as I think of all of what has happened, that has been true for all of it.....my getting into shape physically.....was slow and steady.....one day......one act of self love at a time.....my arrival in the growth of my business, same thing......one day, one action, one commitment at a time.....trusting and using intention to fuel my efforts.......choosing to believe in the things I cannot see.......knowing that nothing that is for me.....nothing......will pass me by.....and all I need to do is show up......and do my part......and I think the key is to believe.....like really believe with your whole heart, that you can live your dreams.....accomplish your goals.....move to the places you want to be......and I really really do.....but being a single woman and putting myself financially, and otherwise in a spot to accomplish what I want to and need to for my kids, makes me feel something that is hard to articulate......powerful doesn't really begin to touch the feeling.....it is intoxicating in a way that is hard to explain.....making me feel high on life in a very real sense.......I have never felt comfortable relying on anybody, for lots of reasons.....some good ones, some not so good ones......and I am working on that......but I do really believe in the power of doing things for yourself and flexing independence in a way that makes you feel safe and secure in this world....and powerful........knowing that you are capable of giving yourself the things you need:) And as I continue to prove that, and walk my way to standing in my new kitchen soon......it makes me feel amazing in all of the best ways!!!! I AM SO EXCITED:) Ready to start this journey of finally bandaging up a gaping hole that has been in my story......his tearing that kitchen apart then walking out........and then having to look at that kitchen day after day.....reminding of me of another time.....and I am ready for my kitchen to reflect MY LIFE now......MY REALITY......MY EVERYTHING:) YIPPPEEEEE! Going after it:)
jperuso
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