I wonder about lots......I kind of like that my mind works that way....wondering is like a little adventure.....but I am aware that I likely wonder about stuff that other people don't;-) ......Saturday when I was out and about, it was so beautiful out.....sun was shining......sort of temperate out there......and I have written about this before, the wondering of this......and it struck me so hard again this weekend...... maybe because I had been examining my feelings again surrounding dating......or not dating in my case lol;-) and as I did my errands I saw a lot of tense people......lots of tense couples.....stressed and not having very much fun.....even some that had just had tense low key squabbles in the store.....just sort of dragging each other through the day......and through the motions......and then as I was driving through Milford I got stopped at the light.....and a new song from Pitbull came on.......it had Rob Bass's "It Takes Two" sort of spliced in.....and I cranked it up and cracked my window and was car dancing, having such a good time.....feeling so good......and as I looked up in the rearview mirror I saw a couple behind me......having a tense conversation and looking so unhappy......their body language was everything........and in that moment it hit me again.....is it possible to share your life with somebody, long term, and still remain alive......awake......happy.......light, fun and a life filled with ease and peace???? Like is that a thing??? Can you find the person that can step in and join you in that.....and then can you remain? Because let's face it, when you are falling in love it feels like all of that.....in fact that is sort of how I have felt......like you do at the beginning of a relationship......but it is just me lol:) Maybe because I have been falling in love with my own life and just living in general and it is sorta similar ;-) but yeah. so when you are falling in love it is magical......the world on hi def......but then inevitably as time passes that sparkle fades.....the mystery......the excitement.......and routine takes over......autopilot takes over.......and it all felt sleepy to me.......like walking through life unaware......now I know clearly that my take on all of this may be deeply flawed, for many reasons.....one of which being that I am not sure I have ever had a truly healthy relationship with somebody that is wildly compatible with me....I haven't, so alongside the time that takes place to dim the shine of initial love, I have also had to attempt to get along with somebody that is so unlike me, and not suited for me too......not seeking what I seek.......and I see out there some couples that seem to truly enjoy being with one another and don't seem unhappy, not too sleepy at all......so I do have hope it exists.....but I also see more folks just walking through their lives and the motions......and I guess it all made me realize that I am a little fearful of falling asleep again......I was sleepy for.a good bit......needing to be to endure......and now that I am wide awake......and alive in every single way.......I am not giving it back......not being lulled into relationship complacency....setting down my spark and magic for routine and numbing out to Netflix.......I just won't.......There is a place for Netflix but not as a substitute to connecting and sharing a life with somebody you love :) .I want to stay awake and alive and find somebody to join me in that, and helps keep me that way......and that wants to be themselves......and I really hope that is a thing lol:) I really do.......Amen
jperuso
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