Independence.....

Yesterday was so perfect in every way.....it was such a lovely day to celebrate the love of my brother and Stacey....the rain held off when it needed to and it turned out to be a beautiful night.......it was fun to see family and friends I haven't seen in a long time....many of whom were so complimentary about watching my journey, or reading my blog, just about all of it, and how happy they were to see me in real life.....it is humbling to have had the inclination to put something so personal, so raw, so real out there, and have it touch people......have them really get it. Understand it in the spirit it was intended to be understood.....it makes me feel so grateful and humbled to have that be the case....but all of that reminds me of how fiercely independent I feel in this chapter of my life.....independent in nearly every way.....and feeling that way makes me feel intoxicated and powerful in ways that are hard to describe.....I think pulling myself out of the darkness and bringing such light to my life, by the choices I made and people I met along the way makes me feel it was all worth it.....and my story has touched lives no question.....the comments from people as I go about life remind me of the why.....I get messages from people who read my stuff, or when I see them at work, or in the grocery store they comment about my blog, and my story and it touching their lives.....it happens quite a lot...that is so powerful for me, it keeps me strong and centered....and confident in the knowing that this is an important thing to do.....to prove that a mountain can be moved......even as your heart is broken....that there is a way up the mountain to the other side. Lots of things reminded me yesterday of that broken heart......ghosts everywhere, people and places we had been in our old life.....connections we had had to our old life and then there I was alone in our past....but instead of feeling sad as I wandered through the past it only made me feel more and more independent of it all.....knowing that I don't need to reside in those spaces with him or anyone.....that I can just be me.....I danced with my kids. Madeline asked me to slow dance, so we did! I danced with Gabe as he was tearing up the dance floor.... We had such fun and all of it was not dependent upon anything but me and my attitude toward it....my independence will be really hard to give up someday if the situation ever presents itself....and maybe I can find a way to keep it alongside a healthy relationship, but for now it feels like the thing I am most proud of.....being independent in my life makes me feel powerful and strong......safe......fulfilled.....and going to a wedding solo and enjoying every bit of it....well that kinda feels amazing too.....I will forever be grateful for the intuitive nudges and strength I have been given in this journey to bring me to this very place.....it fulfills me, excites me, drives me each and every day 😊 I plan on continuing and trying to make beauty rise from the destruction in my life, by way of touched lives and changed hearts, both mine and whoever feels touched by it all🙏🏻