I know this comes up over and over in my blogs.........this sort of notion, the rediscovery of myself through my enormous loss......however what needs to be said about it is this.......it happens all the time......women and maybe some men putting their kids and families above themselves, not even having any time to catch their breath, let alone indulge what it is that sets their hearts on fire.......and it got me to thinking why that happens so easily and readily.......and it is not to say that I don't believe you should cherish and take care of your family, because I absolutely do.......and I am not sorry I spent such a long time doing just that........and please don't misunderstand, I did have joy in my marriage and felt fulfilled in lots of ways.......knew a lot of the things I liked and things that I got excited about doing, and boy oh boy did I love doting on my family, making them feel special and really loved........and I am not sorry about any of that.....I continue to do that with my kids every single day........but I definitely didn't really hear myself or really listen to me the way that I should have all those years.......and really because I just didn't have the time....not in the sense to stop and listen to the things my heart wanted or needed to feel complete.......and we only gain these things with the gift of perspective......we can only find our way when we have the space to catch our breath and reflect. It makes me a little sad and feel a little regret that it didn't happen for me while I was in my marriage but I guess that would be impossible right?.......because that understanding could not come alongside my husband in my marriage......it was not to be that way........so for the folks that read my blogs.......those of you in long term marriages........try and find yourself if you feel a little lost in your marriage.......it is easy to do.......we all get comfortable and routine, and begin to not seek those things all the time that set our souls on fire.......because you are raising a family, because you are in a familiar space, because you are doing all the things that we do.....I just want to remind you is all.......that you are there waiting .....you are still there..........and that it is OK to find yourself again.........or to even spend some time looking for yourself or listening to yourself in the hustle of the day to day.......besides holding onto my peace like it is a life raft, I plan on holding on to the stillness I have found and the frequency I can now hear in my heart.......I am not letting it go ever again.....not allowing it to be swept up in the noise of anything.....there isn't much more that feels better than having the gift of living a conscious life....one with intention and one that helps you grow into a person you want to be in this life......so if you are reading this and it resonates with you, I hope you find YOU again.......touch the deeper parts of you that may have been lost for a bit.......or may have been busy doing other things....hope you find things that put a sparkle in your eye......I really do.............I am cheering you on!
jperuso
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