If we began again.........

I have kept the jeans I had on the night I met up with Nick all those years ago.......the night that lead to the last 20 years of my life......I tried them on at certain points over the years.....for some years they fit.......many years they almost fit.....a few baby years not even close;-).....and sometimes they sat in the drawer for years at a time without a second thought...........but In the last year or so they were quite close to fitting and now they fit.......like a weird glass slipper of sorts right? Right?? I am literally right back to where I began all those years ago....like our marriage was a giant circle.....leading me right back here......it is very symbolic to me.....those jeans....that are very outdated;-)........or maybe almost cool again?.....it lead me to a train of thought of what would happen if we had the luxury of beginning again.....of my knocking on his apartment door with my jeans on.....not knowing what future awaited on the other side of that door.....not knowing that it would change the whole course of my life....what would happen if we could set out again from that spot in the universe.....knowing what we know now....would anything have changed?......would we find ourselves in the same spot again? SO many questions.....so many ideas of what I might do differently.....as I was thinking of that and wondering what I would change if I had a do over......and what I wouldn't....interesting to think of....like a pocket in the universe where you could go back to the start line and head out on your journey......in that line of thinking though I find I kept finding comfort right in my spot now.....feeling like the doing of it all over perhaps would have ended the same way.....I think of those two lovers often....crazy about each other in every way.....the magic of that first night.....magical in all the best ways a night can be.....and so much hope in those years.....so much hope that we would get it right, that we would find our way to forever and ever.....and yet here I am.....blogging about the end....about a different tale altogether.....and I suppose that is the point.....all things we do in this life are one shot deals......and we can only rest easy in the fact that we tried our best when we could, and put our heart and soul into those special memories and the rest well......the rest is for letting go of.....just letting it ALL GO......and moving forward each and every day.....