I was wrong about this........

As I write, and live, it seems every day I learn more about myself and the world, and things come to find me.....things that I understand in a way that I never did before.......and what I am writing about today I was wrong about when I was married.....and I won't make the same mistake again....... I have loved my new sense of freedom, and feeling free in my own life......free to make my own decisions and live my life the way I wish......because I am on my own journey.....and to that end I have come to understand that that same notion needs to apply to all of our relationships.....we need to love people, and have our love feel like freedom to them.....having them be free to do what they wish, and what is a part of their journey.....and the minute we hold on too tightly, or want to orchestrate the outcome, we have lost and need to back up......and I believe this applies to our children, our family, our friends, our life partners, our spouses.....EVERYONE.......it is not our business to try and tell anybody how to live......not anybody....or make decisions for them......or seek to have them live in a way that we feel would suit them, or help them even.......love and loving somebody should feel like freedom:) That is when it works the best! So in my marriage, due to lots of situations, and circumstances that were outside of my control, I sought to hang onto and control certain outcomes, for what I believed to be our greater good......and I attached to outcomes and conditions that left me feeling disappointed and sad often......and I did not feel free and I am certain he did not either.......and at that time that sense of needing to do that, and work so hard to keep our boat afloat, came from my thinking that his life and mine was directly linked, and that it was OUR journey, like our union was one living breathing organism.....and not even considering or fathoming that they could be separate......I believed in our unit and our journey as married people......and so to that end.....I felt my interference or attempts to make our lives go a certain way was helpful and loving.....and you know what it came from a good place in me, no question.......but I am sure it was challenging for him, especially when his view of how he wanted to live wasn't in line with mine at times......and I get that and own my part in that.......and now what I have come to understand is that every person we meet is on their own journey......and we need to honor that.......we can support people, offer advice, love them, nudge them, have boundaries for things we won't tolerate in our relationships....but ultimately we need to surrender control completely.........because control is an illusion.......a complete illusion.......and now that I don't live under the conditions and circumstances in my marriage I am free to breathe and not feel like I need to hang onto anything too tightly........and my faith lies in all of what comes and what is meant to be.....and turning inward and controlling what I can in my life......making good choices for myself and my children is where I focus my energy, and I surrender the rest......it eliminates disappointment and so many things.......trying to view the people in my life as whole and traveling where they are supposed to be, even when I don't always understand, it is not for me to understand......and I want to raise my children in that spirit......guiding them but not hanging on too tightly to their stuff....having faith that their journey will take them where they need to be to learn and grow........and when love comes to find me again.....it needs to be a love that feels free......for us both......honoring each other's journey......and having our paths intertwine in a way that allows for room and growth, and respect and trust that whatever each of us needs is important.......and I know now what will trigger me to hang on too tightly and I won't look for that in my next relationship........I am very clear and aware of what I seek to allow me to feel free and love another freely too:)