I think there was a mistaken rush to judgement in my assessment of the success of my date???....I had written about how lovely it was.....a really solid date.....he and I really getting along and having lots in common and lots to talk about......and lots of laughing.....but then I felt since the night had ended earlier, and neither of us had suggested we go somewhere else that perhaps that was it between us......and not sure of it all.....and I am giving myself grace because I mean I haven't dated maybe ever, and not for well over 20 years......so what do I know in a real sense about it at all? I only know how I feel at any given point, and maybe in my perception of what it should be or what I think it should be? So after I had written my chemistry blog yesterday, I was thinking that maybe I should be open to getting to know him better and another date....driving to work thinking about so much of what he said that I liked so very much.....and just all of it.....and how can one really tell a thing on a first date.....especially under the awkwardness of being strangers.....yet the awkwardness disappeared pretty quickly considering we were strangers.....dissolving into easy and meaningful conversation.........so.....to that end my mind got going and I decided to message him on FB and thank him for such a sweet date, and for his kindness and his willingness to make me feel so comfortable, and thank him for my having such a good time....and to be direct about my feeling that maybe he didn't feel there was anything more between us, based on the date ending when it did......well turns out it was just a misread....for us both.....he was being considerate of my having my kids with my parents, and my hour drive home......but had had a great time too, and wants to get together again and get to know each other better......and so here is the thing....this is such a good lesson, for me.....first I always believe that being direct and honest is the best policy.....not trying to guess what somebody is thinking or feeling.....that leads to all sorts of problematic places.....but I think when it comes to dating......I need to be more open....not let myself get stuck in certain places......and surrender a little into a willingness to see what happens.....and what I know of him so far is lovely....really lovely......and I am remaining open to whatever comes of it......and in this process learned a lesson......and I know it is my past trauma, and a bunch of other things that step forward in these moments to hold me back.....because the truth is......after you have been through what I have.....it does feel easier to insulate yourself away......protecting yourself and your children.....and just be sure you can control your environment......but I know that is not a healthy approach to it all... and that I have to get out there some and experience a new phase of my journey now......I know that......so I think we may begin to get to know each other some more, and hit the second date status lol:) and in the process of it I find an opportunity to grow and accept responsibility for the fact that I was wrong about what I thought, and be open to seeing what I see:) the journey continues!
jperuso
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