I marvel often at how my belief system has shifted so drastically this past year.....most of what I used to believe is unrecognizable to me now in my new life.....doesn't resonate with me at all.....and it is so curious......a year ago this exact time and space, in front of the Christmas tree where I am currently typing this, I believed with all my heart, soul, and being that the ONLY way, was to try and put my marriage back together......that the ONLY way was to sacrifice so much of me to save my family......that there was NO WAY I could be a happy whole human if my marriage failed.......and I shudder to think of that now......like truly.....I think that belief was SO cemented inside of me.....I am not sure I could have been the one to end it, unless there was another big fallout.....which was what ultimately happened......so it leads me to thinking how often we are all WRONG........we all believe we know better about situations in our lives....ones that feel really authentic to us.....maybe rooted in past experiences or in the fabric of our DNA.....how we arrived here.....or a construct in our minds....carefully built to make us feel safe......when in reality perhaps there is no RIGHT way.......maybe different ways......or maybe the right ways are the ones that challenge us....stretch us.....grow us........the choice that scares us most is perhaps the right one.....I have been living outside of my comfort zone for nearly a year......I have not had the luxury of any part of my life feeling "normal" or "safe"......I have had to let go of those things and just trust......while creating beautiful spots of refuge along the way to bring me comfort and peace......but living outside of my comfort zone has taught me so many things......it has taught me that my sensible logical mind is not always right.......that what makes sense to me maybe isn't the only way......it has taught me to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.....this past year has made me so uncomfortable in my life so often while helping me become so comfortable inside of me......such a strange dichotomy......but one that has been such a gift.....I am not afraid anymore to use my voice.....to be on my own.....to be me unapologetically, no matter who gets it and who doesn't.....to speak my truth.....and to to be a divorced person.......to fail at my marriage......and I guess looking back that was a big fear.....the fear of failing at something that was so meaningful and important in my life.....but that was draining my spirit and soul every single day.....I marvel at the price I was willing to pay......so in my life now I am challenging my beliefs every day......asking myself if perhaps I am wrong......while still trusting my intuition......that never steers me wrong.....getting out of my head and listening to my heart and what it has to say about where I need to be in this life.....I challenge you to think of your life and maybe some places where you may be wrong and just not realize.......you may just be surprised.....:)
jperuso
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