Somebody I have known as an acquaintance for quire a long time shared her infidelity story with me yesterday.....her husband having cheated a long time ago, and they are still married.....and I sat and listened to her story, giving it space to breathe.....and I was genuinely interested in her truth....I love to hear people's stories.....the REAL ones.....the deep ones.....the raw ones.....the ones that help me know somebody better and touch my soul.....not the ones about what they had for dinner last night lol;-) I used to love to listen to my grandparents tell their stories around the dinner table....especially my Grandpa Ed....he told a great story....and so I sat back yesterday listening to this woman share her truth....and what struck me was how raw the pain still is for her......after so many years.....she had caught them, and she brought me back to that night, and the pain was still so present as I listened to her recount that....she was right there.....I could see the visible stress and anger and pain taking over her body as she was telling me the story.....her voice getting more breathy....and her body language amping up.....and it was profound for me.....to stand in that with her....and unfortunately we got cut kinda short on the end of the story....I plan on sending her a message today about it all......but I was glad she had a place to let some of that heat go a bit more.....each time we tell our story it loses some power.....but what really struck me was the raw pain that is there, and again marveling at the pain of betrayal.....just the immense power in being betrayed by the people we love....one of the greatest sources of emotional pain in this life in my opinion.....just massive....and so many psychological implications and impact in the aftermath......I have likened it many times to being run over by a bus......just completely clobbered in every way....especially when it arrives unexpectedly.....it makes it that much more powerful....the shock and awe.....and when I listened to her story it strengthened my resolve further....my resolve to create spaces in this life for THOSE WOMEN......the ones touched by infidelity and navigating the aftermath of shock and awe.....sharing commonality.....places where we all can relate to one another so deeply.....we get it.....and it hurt my heart for her....deep compassion.....the depth of pain she carries.....and I just really wish people would think twice before they inflict that kind of pain onto their spouses.....find another way.....leave....wait until you have ended your marriage.....that would be painful enough....but at least the betrayal piece would not be present....or better yet just work on loving the person you are with....putting all that affair energy into your marriage and see what magic could be found there......and damage avoided.....but I have learned that that thought process is all "pie in the sky" because the other absolute truth is that people are damaged, or subject to their journeys and they make decisions from that place of damage, or out of their own need and desire......and most all that takes place has to do with them.....and not their wife or their marriage......so I guess I share this to just say I SEE you.....I SEE you if you have walked my path....I SEE your raw....I SEE your pain......and it doesn't scare me....it doesn't make me uncomfortable......or judge you and your pain.......instead it humbles me to be able to walk with you some and help you carry it.....it truly does....happy Saturday everybody!
jperuso
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