I have written a few times throughout my journey about forgiveness....and I have learned a lot about it......and examined my feelings on it deeply....and it has been a process, just like the rest......and I made a decision early on not to hang onto hate or anger.....both of those things only poison the person holding onto them....they do nothing for the person they are directed toward.....and the truth is I did not feel either emotion too often....there were times I was hopping mad and angry.....no question......and hated the situation with all of my being.....but feeling those things has been rare......from the jump I have attached to my deep hurt and moved through that.....those other two things are a cover for the real stuff.....but forgiveness is a little more complicated.....especially when there has been no amends......well there has been from her some but not him........and continual acts of hurt perpetrated......but the truth is, I forgive them both.....I do.....and it brings tears to my eyes to type that all of a sudden.....funny huh......but I do....and my forgiveness is in the space of my deep awareness that THIS life......the one I have been gifted on the other side of what happened to me, was meant to be in every single way.....my becoming who I came here to be......feeling more like ME than I ever have in all of my life.......and doing the things that I have done, and having THIS life......has been an enormous gift......and was absolutely the way it was all supposed to be.....and I cannot feel that way about my life.....and then not extend that understanding to their lives.....and I have touched on this realization before.....but it is one that grows deeper and frees me more and more as time moves along.....now within that forgiveness there are still touchy spots......I would be lying if I said there weren't......there are things that have been done to me that have hurt me deeply......and have stayed with me........but I can still extend forgiveness......even without the Hallmark apology, and the moment I dreamed of so often early on......letting that go and trading it for peace, acceptance, and joy instead.......knowing that the strength it would require for him to stand in that space with me, is strength he doesn't possess.......and I do not say that as a snarky dig or insult......I say that as the truth.....and I don't even judge him for it.....I have never done anything close to what he has done to myself and the kids......and so I do not know what facing that......really facing that, would feel like, or what it would require.....I just know that as it stands he is not up for it......so to that end.......it is up to me to find another way to free myself on the wings of forgiveness......and I have......what they both did to me......absolutely slayed me in the short term.....I will never deny that.......but in the long run......well........it was one of the greatest gifts that has ever found my life.....and I say that with every bit of sincerity.......so how could I not forgive that??? There is not one day in my new life where it does not occur to me.....at one point or another how grateful I am......to be living THIS life....and to have been freed.......and it feels amazing:) So I forgive them......I really do......I feel like I have reached an understanding surrounding it all.....and his journey was meant to go the way it has, as much as mine was meant to go the way it has......and what I have learned of forgiveness is that it is an inside job......just like peace and happiness......it is paramount to the health of our spirit.....it is the biggest gift we can give both to ourselves and the offender.....and it doesn't require amends or an apology......it is harder without that....but not impossible......I do always hold some hope that one day he will say the words to me.....but I used to hope that for myself and my healing.....and while it would aid in that.....no question........I no longer wish for it for that purpose......now I wish it for him, and his healing.....he has no idea what that act would do for his own well being.....and I hope one day he realizes that.....FORGIVENESS is FREEDOM....and nothing tastes better than being free of the chains that bind.....I have refused to lock myself up in a cage of bitterness and anger, and let this story poison my life any further.....and my freedom from the cage has been borne on the wings of offering up forgiveness without an apology.....and our power lies, every day in accepting things as they are and shifting our mindset surrounding it......making a conscious decision to live free, no matter what......we cannot control what others do.....that is a fact.....but we can control what we do. Laying our burdens down and choosing not to carry them anymore.......I travel a lot lighter these days:) And as I continue to take stuff out of my pack and lay it down, things just get better and better:) Amen!
jperuso
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