Marriage that is......now before you think that I am jaded or judge me...... hear me out;-) Since I was a little girl I dreamed of my wedding day......imagined it a million times.....yearning for it all.....romance, love, and the beauty of it all.....happily ever after.....all of it........and when I stood up in the church, the church I had grown up in, and pledged my life and said my vows, I meant every single bit of it......and the truth is I likely would have stayed in my marriage till the end......maybe.....I think of that sometimes, like where would my straw have been. And now I realize what kept me there......was my belief in marriage........and in sticking it out.....making it work......doing all the things.....till the end......to the detriment of my heart and soul.......and I now know that was wrong.......it just was........because that notion was destroying me slowly every single day......and then when I saw how the legal system views marriage......and that they don't care a bit ab0ut somebody honoring their vows......holding up their legal obligation beyond their soul obligation.....and are still entitled to 50 percent of marital assets despite it all...........forcing people to get a marriage license......making it be a legally binding institution, and then when push comes to shove none of it matters......and I lose half of my pension and buy him out of our house.......so as I sit here on this day, I am not sure about marriage in the traditional sense again for me......I really am not......I may change my mind......and I hope that the man I meet would be capable of changing my mind...........but as it stands for now this is how I feel......I would not need marriage, or a piece of paper to keep me devoted and loyal to my love......and clearly those things don't keep anybody faithful or safe...........I don't need a formal marriage to keep me in a committed relationship.......and loving one man......that is never the problem.....for me........a commitment ceremony in my yard.......a garden party with my friends and family, and exchanging rings......sounds just right.......God knows my intention and my heart.......formally proving it in a marriage ceremony, at this point in my life, just doesn't seem necessary.......the commitment between two people........the love they share........the fierce loyalty......and love......transcends time and space and human marriage.......my intention in this life was to marry once......till little old lady status.......having my wedding day be one of my greatest days of my life.....no question.....but that didn't happen.......so now as I seek love......not wanting to lay a prenuptial agreement between us or our love......the idea of a legal marriage......makes me pause as I think of my feelings surrounding it all........So it doesn't come from jaded spaces......it just comes from an awareness that my love, and my heart, and my understanding of it all and what I may want in the future, may be different than that little girl from long ago.........
jperuso