I have written and expressed that in this chapter I have gotten to know myself deeply...as it stands now ,I truly believe I know nearly exactly who I am....who I am not....and who I am never willing to be again......I also know what I like, what I don't....what I need, and what I don't....and am so much clearer about what it means to be authentically Jenn.....and I am so comfortable being her, being open, being honest, genuine and transparent, and showing up as her, that I rarely question my actions anymore.....riding on instinct, and intuition, and doing what feels right in any given moment, and on any given day, and honoring that.....and it makes some people uncomfortable, I get that.....that I am so much of who I feel I really am....and I have learned to let all of that go....and to not let the opinions of others impact what I need to do, or feel led to do, impact any of it....but in the arena of dating it can be tricky or more in terms of meeting people.....if you don't know my back story fully, or the trajectory my story has taken, or where it started, I may seem like a lot....lol:) I definitely possess confidence in this chapter that I did not always have....and will never apologize for.....I earned it all.....the hard way lol;-) and confidence intimidates some folks too...or being too boldly yourself.......but I made a pact with myself awhile back, and that is to remain me.....I don't even know how to not be her now.....and I won't abandon her ever again to fit somewhere where I don't belong....and I believe, or have come to believe that if you show up as YOURSELF......your REAL self, your AUTHENTIC self your people find you:) The ONES meant to....the ONES meant to stay.....the ONES......I think it is when we stifle ourselves, or hide ourselves, that our relationships hit trouble.....not saying our truth, or bending our own narrative to fit inside of spaces.....and I won't do that.....never again....and as I begin to meet people and talk and soon date.....I am going to be ME.....and if somebody gets it..... great...and if not that, that is fine too....and I cannot fully express how powerful that feels....to really feel that, running through my veins and feeling that so deeply in my soul.....knowing that I won't hold back myself for anybody....ever again....or pretend I am somebody I am not.....and in my marriage I could be parts of me....but nowhere near ME ME.....and there were a lot of concessions I had to make, to make that work for a long time....things I had to hide away.....or parts of me I toned down.....to make him feel more comfortable.......all of it......and I don't say all of this to say I am perfect, not by any means.... and saying all this doesn't mean I don't plan on working on my flaws, or growing, or any of it....I plan on ALL of that and more:) I just mean the core of who Jenn is, is clearer now than it has ever been....and I feel more like me, than I have ever felt, and I am never giving it back lol;) I like her...I love her.......and I get her completely....... and I want to keep her;-) .....and anybody that I meet as I journey needs to feel the same about her too. So as I meet people, and chat with them online, and at some point perhaps beyond...... I am showing up as ME:) And that is how I will know who is meant to stay:) Enjoy the day and BE YOU too! You look beautiful like that! :) Happy Wednesday:)
jperuso
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