I am driving my bus...... but control is a MYTH........

So my whole life I have had a more proactive personality.....if I do X,Y, and Z maybe I can avoid A, or if I do these things maybe these other things will line up......or won't happen at all......and there is a large piece of me that still feels there is value in living your life that way, treating your body and your life, like it matters, and doing things with the intention of preserving what you can.....of sliding into that driver's seat and DRIVING YOUR BUS!!! LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!! OPEN ROAD, all of it......taking control of our own destiny and our spirit.......I do believe those things deep in my heart and my soul.......however if I had any "false" sense that I am truly in "control" of my life and its circumstances, in any real sense, prior to this all happening....yeah I am wrong.......totally and wildly wrong......turns out we don't have ANY control......we really don't......not in a way that makes us able to totally control our destiny and what lessons we need to learn in this life......what lessons come to find us, the lessons meant for us......we live our lives putting ourselves in situations that make our brains and hearts believe that we are in control, but the fact remains.....when all is said and done....we are not......not at all........BUT THE BEST part is it is OK!!!!!!!! Better than OK it turns out.......IF I had true control in my life and its trajectory, I would most certainly NOT BE sitting where I am right now......I tried every bit of all the proactive and active things I knew to preserve my life as I knew it, my marriage, my family, all of it, and yet here I am........sitting here knowing that the universe knew better, that God has different plans for me.....that my path is taking a detour down a road I would not have chosen for myself.....and I kind of feel the new road is a dirt one, full of mystery, of character, and grit and things of long ago, the things that matter in this life.......that really matter and will transform my life......of that I am certain....so how does this whole "free will" versus "destiny thing" really work, like in a real sense....I am not entirely sure how the pieces fit for all of us.....I have some instinct about it but don't know the whole picture, and probably won't in this lifetime, or maybe I will??......that is what is so fun about living your journey....what is meant for YOU IS ALWAYS FOR YOU.......and truly not one minute sooner than it is meant for you and your life......and what is NOT MEANT FOR YOU LEAVES.......and I know that now.....this Jenn, in this time is meant to be HERE......I do know I have been thrust into this spot before in a lesser sense, and felt the same certainty that all things "control" are false, futile, not worth spending any time on, similar to worry......just a waste of all of our beautiful minds, to hang on to what we shouldn't. trying to hold on too tightly to what WE BELIEVE we should be experiencing, and not enough LETTING GO......just simply LETTING GO........So in lots of ways as my life is currently spinning out of control in every sense of the definition of out of control, I feel more peace and certainty in my path, more clear energy in my soul, more understanding that the journey ahead is lining up EXACTLY as it should.......any time I get caught up in the worry whirlwind of details, I catch myself, and just lie back and float......lean back and LET GO.......here is the thing though...... will I ever be a passenger in my life's bus, not likely......I won't be sitting in the passenger seat casually and freely watching the trees pass by, peacefully letting it ALL GO......I will most likely always want to feel like I am driving my bus to some degree......taking a hold of MY destiny......BUT what I can see clearly now is that I will be much more apt to take exits on my journey I may have passed on by before, passing them by because I was headed to that false destination.....that "place", not sure where it was, but I always thought I knew......now I will just enjoy the scenery, not hang on too tightly to any particular situation, thing, place, any of it......not follow "the map" too closely.....just hit the OPEN ROAD...... let what is meant for me to come, and let what is no longer meant for me go..........