Recently I did a thing that has been kind of eye opening for me.....I have a king sized bed, and since my ex husband left, I have remained on my side.....kinda crazy right???....just this vast amount of bed stretched out from where I sleep.....and my daughter has been sleeping with me since he has been gone.....but she sleeps right up next to me lol, leaving me with a sliver of my side....so there is still much of the bed, wide open......and I know it is something I need to address with her soon....we have talked about it, and have a plan for her to go back to her own room gradually next week....I guess I haven't pushed it, because it isn't hurting anything, and initially I was happy for the company and she needed me, and I am also keenly aware of how quickly she is growing, and the passage of time, and I know she won't always be sleeping with me.....As the teenage years approach, I know I will yearn for times like these......so there is that:) So the one night she had me pretty squished on my sliver of the bed, and I got up and decided to sleep on HIS side......a side I have avoided since the night he left.......and first I must say that that part of the mattress is like brand new now lol:) Not getting use for nearly 3 years......and guess what, I slept like a baby.....getting up much less......and it felt great on my back, pristine condition, all of it.....and it seems silly.....right? To devote an entire blog to this.....but it was such a small shift, small enough to make a big difference.....like another reclaiming of my life.....because his side has remained empty, all this time, maybe partially on purpose......the night he left was so abrupt and shocking, and especially after sharing a bed with him for 20 years, in addition to the silence being deafening.....our bed felt SO EMPTY....I remember laying in bed that first night and looking across that space, the tears streaming, and seeing the emptiness, but more importantly FEELING it......so I suppose this falls in the milestone category.....I don't ever see myself sleeping in the bed in the middle lol:) Are there middle people?? I think I am a one side or the other kinda gal, but who knows;-) Once my daughter finds her way back to her room, I suppose the sky is the limit;-) I was so surprised at the difference in my sleep, my sleep has gotten more interrupted as of late....and I am not sure of the reason.....so to sleep so solidly was welcomed.....and as I said it happened quite by accident, getting the push I needed, and I am not sure what took me so long......I suppose my threshold for being uncomfortable is pretty high lol, so suffering on my sliver of the bed night after night, was just something I had grown to accept.....but now I have this giant part of the bed to myself, and it just might stick! It is all these things as you grieve that make their way naturally, no need to force them I suppose.....his leaving was like losing a spouse and having him die.....no question.......the moment he stepped outside of our home, my access and relationship shifted so tremendously with him, that saying it is like that is not a stretch......not at all......so I have had to adjust to that over these years.....the undoing of a life, of habits, of all of it......and I have very intentionally.........and reclaiming MY bed is another piece! Cheers to HIS side;-) Have a good Wednesday y'all:)
jperuso
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