I feel like Covid has been and will remain a wild mind game in all of our lives.....this elusive, or not so elusive force that has transformed the way we have lived our lives.....as I sit here in the early morning hours.....waking up my normal time today for the first time in a few days:). I am just feeling so grateful......grateful that I am feeling pretty well.....that my symptoms have remained relatively mild......that my boy is well again and Mads is doing fine.....but there is still a piece of Covid that is so interesting once it arrives......you still have to wonder if it will get worse......if you will be left with residual things once it leaves.....all of those things.....and I am doing my best not to focus my energy on any of that.....staying present in WHAT IS.....not what could be......and for today I am doing really great:) but there is also a piece of me that desperately wishes I could just go EVERYWHERE right now, all at once!:):) Like to a concert.......a broadway play.....run around Walmart without my mask on......live in the land of the free, knowing that I cannot catch Covid........because well I have it.....LOL:) Kinda a crazy part of it too.........but I am in quarantine indeed for the rest of this week into next.....and that is the other part too......it makes you feel sort of relieved......that you got it....it is over with.....no more looking over your shoulder in the same way......and definitely as I head back to work.....knowing it will likely be everywhere for the next few months....I can feel a little more protected......less vulnerable......feel a little more confident......and I am keenly aware of all the people that lost their lives to it, and my heart is so sad and aware of all of that too.........and I am just grateful..........I am not sure as I move beyond this part of my life, that I will ever forget it all.....so much energy of all sorts in this chapter of my life.....found in the last two years of my life......just lots of lots.......and I suppose all things considered that Covid was an appropriate challenge to finish out this year of my life.....appropriate in all the ways......have been running gauntlet this entire year.....one right after the other.......using each of them to find more of me......find the parts in me that I want to remain....my strength and will.....mind over matter........and letting the rest go........so this seems fitting to have arrived now......because the idea of fighting it alone with just myself and my kids, was a thing that most definitely carried weight in my heart and mind.....and all the potentials within........but I was blessed to be well while Gabe was not feeling well.....and then take my turn after.....a blessing indeed:) and the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.....so very true.......much of what we fear never happens the way we think it will......my thoughts on what Covid would be like for my boy is not even close to what it actually was......and it is a good reminder.....a reminder to be cautious....mindful.....but not take too much stock in our creation of what we think will be......because we are wrong......often......same way I felt about divorce and the end of my marriage.....wrong.....so I will carry the lessons of this year into 2022, especially this final one.....and be grateful I am getting it over with.......and leaving it in this year......I have such beautiful and meaningful things to do and plans for the new year......no time for Covid in 2022;-) and it feels good to be stepping into it with a clean slate:)
jperuso
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