Haters.......

This has been on my mind because I have ran into a couple of them in random spots, and have to coexist in other spaces with some people that hate on me......for lack of a better way to put it....I must say though before I get into this......that I have been so blessed with the support I have received on this journey, and that the majority of people get it and give me such beautiful and heartfelt support.....and for that I am so very grateful......I am also grateful that those that feel differently have stepped forward, and made their feelings known to me....I have no desire for people hating on me behind my back........and I most definitely still allow for the possibility that there could be others that I am not aware of......undercover haters, the worst kind ;-) and I suppose I write about it today to sort of muse about it.....as it is foreign to me......I mean hating on anybody has never been my thing......despite the horrid stuff that has been done to me .....even then, I still don't carry hatred in my heart toward anybody, or even close to that......and I guess I should also say that if these "haters" were honest, they don't in fact hate me.....I am just the object of the internal conflict that lives inside of themselves.....I know that.....but.....it still isn't easy to accept shade, and feel that stuff when you did not a thing to them.....NOTHING..........except choose a path, an escape route out of the worst time in your life.....a path that you are proud of......and one you have worked fiercely to create.....that is it.....and your existence in that space.....your blog.....your honesty......your authenticity......your willingness to put it all out there.......your journey....... comes with other people's judgement........people judging a live they have never lived........and I know sometimes we poke stuff in people just by being ourselves......stuff that lives inside of other's hearts and minds......places they don't want to see or look at.......becoming a mirror, even if we don't intend to, or even try to.....again just by existing...........and I know my happiness and my desire to be, and live my life my way, makes others upset??? Which again, is so hard for me to wrap my head around.....I believe people have the right to do what they wish.....what they need to do.....what makes sense for them.....and I stay out of the way of that......like a "you do you" vibe.....and I try really hard not to take another person's inventory if I can help it......and if I find myself wondering what is up with somebody, I try my best to see it from their side.......and seek to understand their motivation.......because we all have our own stuff and things we need to work on.....and places that are not so pretty. But haters are an interesting phenomenon.........for sure.......and what I did not expect as this situation found me.....me being the "victim' for all intents and purposes.....I hate that word but you get the idea;-) that despite my "victim" status that I would become the villain in some people's stories.....that is so crazy to me that it is hard to articulate really.......like if people really knew the nitty gritty of what I endured that notion is absurd.........the villain as I drug myself out of the rubble of my life......it is kinda hard to believe......and what is worse, is I would venture to say that if my journey had been different......one where I chose things that were not good for me......dysfunctional types of things as a way to cope......these haters would have instead been supporters......I most definitely believe my journey unfolding as it has, has been the reason I am the object of their intense feelings........so what is the point of all of this......I am getting there lol:) I guess what I needed to do was to remind myself is this.....the old Jenn would have struggled with this so fiercely, people pleasing to a fault! Subject to caring so much what other people thought......And as I come across this phenomenon in my life now and have to face it up close from time to time, I feel proud at the growth I have found in the letting go of it......realizing it has nothing to do with me, like truly........of the ways in which I will not allow it to get in.....and remain peaceful and steadfast in my own life and in the authenticity I have chosen.....not allowing another person's opinion of my life matter......and that is a powerful spot to have found myself in in my new life.......I know clearly and deeply.....that as long as I remain true to myself, my heart, my soul, and seek to not do harm, and do as much good as I can, where I can........that is all I need to focus on......and preserving my peace at all costs......no matter what.....the price I paid for it was too high for anything less.......:)