For the last couple of days my body has been waking up at 4:30......as if it knows.....knows the summer is winding down.....coming to a close......and I will need to resume my early mornings.....and it made me think about what lies ahead and the skills I have acquired, ones that I will need to use to endure this next school year in every way......today I am headed to our first in service day at school.....and I am preparing myself......I am conscious ahead of time that likely after whatever information is shared with me today there will be an enormous probability that it will feel really overwhelming......those first few days often do.....they are normally full of new initiatives.....lots of new guidelines and all the rest.....but this time I am prepared.....I am prepared to hang onto myself amid the storm......not get caught up.....not let it become a part of me.....or take away my peace.......see after finally finding peace in this life.....and in finally finding me........those things are not up for sale any longer.......they just aren't.......so I know the way to manage that is to stay ahead of it.....and in the last 8 months I have been tested again and again......and asked to hang onto myself and who I want to be as things come to threaten that ........or maybe challenge it.......seeing if I am truly invested in remaining me......and each time I have found what I need to do.....what it takes to do just that......and it may be one of the greatest lessons in this.....I feel I have tried for a good number of years to stay out of drama, at work, or otherwise.....try to remain positive as much as possible, and not get sucked into the negativity that is always swirling around us.....and I have done pretty well, I think......but this kind of preservation that I am anticipating will require next level strength and preparation.....it will require mindful and conscious daily living and it will stretch me in lots of ways......and instead of fearing that I am focusing as much as I can on preparing for it......there are a ton of variables headed into this school year, for myself, for my kids, for our lives......all of it......think most parents are feeling like this school year is like boarding the Titanic.....lol;-) BUT I cannot control what lies ahead......I can only control my reaction to it all, and my ability to not let it ruin an entire year of my life......I just won't......I sacrificed some years of my life recently......for stuff that I thought mattered.....and some of it did.....but I am not willing to give any more time and energy away unnecessarily......so what is my plan??? Well, as soon as I finish this blog.....I plan on meditating as I drink my coffee.....I have been getting really good at it.....and finding HUGE benefits.....the benefits feel similar to exercising, pushing the same buttons but a little different.....so I will meditate and center myself for the day ahead.....and remind myself that I am living in this day only.....not yesterday......and not tomorrow......when I am done meditating I plan on doing my workout.......another thing that has brought me enormous peace and clarity of mind......and if the days get too intense I plan on meditating at night before bed too........and I plan on doing those things each and every day....alongside working......alongside caring for my children.....alongside all of it.....because I have learned that caring for me......and giving to myself pays off in all areas of my life.....in ways I hadn't even imagined.......so by doing these things, blogging, meditating, exercising, on repeat......it is a proactive measure......a conscious measure.......a way to center myself so I can handle whatever comes.....and hang onto me.......not let her get swept up......not let her get beaten down.....not let her get negative......overwhelmed.....frightened........hang onto her fiercely with every single thing I got.......that is MY PLAN:)
jperuso
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