Guilt......

Mom guilt is real right mamas? It is so hard to avoid, and I feel like it only increases when your children are faced with such heavy circumstance......I have my kiddos this weekend too....back to back due to our schedules.....which makes me happy.....however my friend texted earlier in the week and had an extra concert ticket for tonight and wanted to know if I could go. Originally I thought it would be OK.....I could get a sitter and the kids would only be hanging with her for a couple of hours before they went to bed.....we all go to bed kinda early around here lol;-) We have all grown to be early risers! But as the time neared I started to feel guilt about leaving them on a weekend they are with me.....and I decided to pass on the concert, and the kids and I are grabbing hibachi and a movie today instead......Gabe got movie tickets given to him by the movie theater here when he did a job trial there because he was such a great employee:) So proud of him:).....and that decision settles in my soul better.......so my point in sharing this dilemma, is that it is real for me in this situation now.....in my old life taking a Saturday night would not have come carrying this heavy stuff.....but I feel for now it is best for to me proceed like this.....and make plans on the weekends they are with their dad........and this line of thought always leads into my imagining myself meeting a man.......and wanting to spend time with him......which I am entitled to right? As a woman and human falling in love??? But then I think of my children......and think of taking any time away from them when they are with me, and it hurts my heart in ways that are really hard to articulate.......like I am betraying them......we are a unit.....a party of 3......I am their ride or die.......and so instead of getting too far ahead of myself.....I am going to trust that when the time is right the logistics will fall in line......and it will work itself out......One place I feel I have achieved balance in the divorced mom guilt realm is in not letting the fact that we are divorced cause me to spoil my kids or overcompensate in those ways.....the truth is everybody has hard stuff and this is ours.....so instead I seek to have them feel heard, seen, understood, and try and give them a present and happy mom.........and try and plan as many things for us to do that can create memories......not buy them more stuff......so I feel peaceful about my decision to choose my kiddos tonight..... have some cleaning and laundry on my docket first today......I mowed last night......Gabe has baseball tomorrow......and we plan to live our best lives! Enjoy the day y'all:)